Sporting Quotes of the Year - 2009

[ant london]

some rather amusing quotes in here!!

"Send me something very naughty, go to the bathroom and take a picture."
Tiger Woods in a text to cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs

"I hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron."
Jesper Parnevik referring to Elin Nordgren, Woods' wife, attacking his car with a golf club

"If I go into a restaurant I'm thinking 'He knows what I'm eating. Will I order chips or not?'"
Steven Taylor on Alan Shearer's ever-present aura during his time as Newcastle manager

"We know that Arsène Wenger likes the look of [Andrei] Arshavin. But I like the look of Angelina Jolie and it doesn't always mean you get what you want."
The Russian's agent, Dennis Lachter, playing hard to get, shortly before his client signed for Arsenal

Ted Hankey: "I've stopped drinking, so I feel healthier, look healthier and I am healthier. "Ray Stubbs: "So you're not going to the bar now, then?" Hankey: "No - I'm off outside for a cigarette!"
The new BDO darts champion reveals to the TV presenter his iconoclastic lifestyle.

"My worry now is paying off my hotel-room bill and keeping a straight face as the lady looks through the 'Channel 43 charges.'"
Swannyg66, aka Graham Swann, twitters after England's exit from the Champions Trophy

"On the first Valentine's Day I spent with my wife, I made her watch the curling. 'Let's see one more rubber and we'll go out,' I told her. It was the only rubber I got involved in that night, I can tell you..."
The Derby County captain Robbie Savage finds true love on the ice

"I started at 16 in Yorkshire's second team and there was a can of lager at the table. Now it's smoothies, ice baths and Twenty20 cricket."
Michael Vaughan looks back on his time in cricket as he tearfully retires

"If I had known you got a bottle of champagne for run-outs I would have practised more"
Andrew Flintoff reveals what really motivates him after getting out Ricky Ponting at The Oval

"I thought it wouldn't hurt to try."
Usain Bolt puts a lot into breaking the 200m world record at the world championship in Berlin

"Why don't we all go to the nearest ballet shop, get some nice tutus and get some great dancing going on. No eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing. Then enjoy."
Springboks coach Peter de Villiers responds to accusations of eye-gouging on the Lions tour

"Two [substitutes] were asleep with hats pulled down and blankets over them. I said 'I'm sorry to drag you up here, I know it's cold and you could be home with the missus with a cup of tea. It's hard for 30 grand a week to watch the game.'"
Harry Redknapp on his brave subs during Spurs' visit to Bolton in January

"The leaders have now got an enormous lead and the peloton, frankly, can't be arsed to catch them up."
A Eurosport commentator talking to Sean Kelly on the first Monday of the Tour de France

"If you said to me back in June when we returned for pre-season training that with three games to go we'd be in with a chance of automatic promotion, I'd have broken both your legs and your arms."
Sheffield United manager Kevin Blackwell appears averse to good news

"Well, Halloween's coming up and I was thinking of Wolverine. It's not anything to do with any play-off ritual - I'm just lazy and can't be bothered to shave. And everybody keeps telling me to cut it and I'm stubborn."
David Beckham reveals the real reason for his scary beard

"The first thing I'm going to tell him - stop acting like a wuss."
Usain Bolt plans a bit of advice for Cristiano Ronaldo

"The great players cost a lot of money, and if you want them you have to pay it. I'm happy to be the most expensive player in the world."
Cristiano Ronaldo modestly reflects on his £80m move to Real Madrid

"They can suck it and carry on sucking it. This is for all Argentines, minus the journalists."
Diego Maradona enhances his relationship with the world press.

"We made an offer and it was turned down. We offered Stoke-on-Trent."
Tony Pulis admits defeat in his bid to bring Kaka to the Britannia

"If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat."
Serena Williams rant at a US Open line judge, which led to her exit from the tournament

"Arsène Wenger needs to buy new players - and expensive ones too. Why? Because all the talented and inexpensive players are already with us at Arsenal."
Andrei Arshavin on why money buys success in football.

"What were you doing punching the corner flag? You're a crazy man, a crazy man."
Fabio Capello takes Wayne Rooney to task following his red card at Fulham

"There is the clear statement that we want to keep Franck in Munich. I wonder if Real's negotiator Pedro Jimenez knows the game Monopoly? Bayern played it two years ago and bought Park Lane, we have built four hotels on it. We will only let it go if we are broke or in an emergency."
The Bayern Munich general manager Uli Hoeness comments on Real Madrid's interest in Franck Ribéry

"If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy."
Ian Holloway criticises his Blackpool players after a 4-1 defeat at Crystal Palace

"I want to win everything this year. I am the new Nadal - and I am better looking than him."
Phil Taylor sets his targets for 2009 after winning the Players Championship

"I've not had a phone call yet from the Prime Minister. Jenson Button got one, but I haven't. I'm clearly not important enough."
Gymnast Beth Tweddle after winning World Championship gold in October

"David only needed a slingshot and a stone to flatten Goliath, and I'm convinced my right hand generates more power than a stone."
David Haye before his WBA world title fight against 7ft 2in Nikolai Valuev in November

"He's impossible to reach. It's easier to speak with Barack Obama than Leo."
Argentina manager Diego Maradona on the difficulty of reaching Lionel Messi

"Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone knows and cannot complain. That is simple."
Benitez is jealous of the Alex Ferguson's influence in January

"We walked across there yesterday. We saved a girl actually - considering her future, shall we say."
Phil Brown claims to have turned good Samaritan on a Hull City team walk across the Humber Bridge by using his "sweet talk" to save a suicidal woman from jumping

"I want to be in the Guinness Book of Records, yee-ha!"
Michaela Tabb on becoming the first woman to referee snooker's World Championship final

"I believe it was a very hard punch. My hand still hurts."
Manny Pacquiao recalls knocking out Ricky Hatton in the second round of their IBO light-welterweight bout in May

"We all know who the real No 1 is. Quite frankly, I'm the best in the world."
Serena Williams pays her own special tribute to Dinara Safina's arrival at the top of the rankings in May

"It is the best I have scored. It was a fantastic strike and I can't wait to see it again on DVD."
Cristiano Ronaldo after scoring against Porto

"It's true lots of people hate me but there are even more who love me and who support me. I feel bad only when I play badly. Fortunately that happens rarely."
Cristiano Ronaldo again...

"Am I a racist? I am a desperado and a bad boy and whether in England, France or Senegal I sell papers. They try to find out things about me all the time. But I am mentally strong and they can't hurt me. I get booed wherever I go, but I have never let my fans down. I am the leader. El Hadji Diouf is a star whether you like it or not - everybody knows me."
Mr Diouf after an alleged altercation with a white ball boy at Goodison Park

"No one is ever going to be as good as I was."
Gazza's modesty shines through

"Slim dumps a small pile of powder on the coffee table. He cuts it, snorts it. He cuts it again. I snort some. I ease back on the couch and consider the Rubicon I've just crossed."
Andre Agassi exposes, in his new autobiography, his experimentation with crystal meth in 1997

"At Middlesbrough the beer used to flow in the dressing-room the moment matches were over. The following day the players were supposed to work on their recovery but instead they'd just have a coffee and then get back on the booze once more. They used to eat Mars bars and chocolates, and when I said something about it they'd fire back, claiming it was to give them energy."
Gaizka Mendieta on life at Middlesbrough, his club from 2003-2008

"Kimi was, I don't know, drinking some vodka or dreaming or something."
Mark Webber reckons Raikonnen was yearning for the bar, while he was actually blocking the Aussie during British GP Qualifying

"I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry."
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps after the publication of a picture apparently showing him smoking a bong

"I have impressed upon them the advantages of a Mediterranean diet over ketchup and chips."
Fabio Capello lays down the culinary law to the England squad

[Original Dub]

"Tevez is a rich man's Dickov"
Socrates

"De Jong can fuck off back to where he came from the cunt"
NQDP



;)

[9secondlegend]

keegan came out with a quality one last night about micah richards...can anyone quote it?

[Alex Sapphire]

keegan came out with a quality one last night about micah richards...can anyone quote it?

"I had him when he was 16. He was a man then, I don't know what he is now. Probably just a bigger man."

and I liked this one

"Someone texted me saying he's a bit like I used to be, but more athletic, funnier and better looking."
Martin Johnson on new England second row Courtney Lawes

[Fidel Castro]

keegan came out with a quality one last night about micah richards...can anyone quote it?

"I had him when he was 16. He was a man then, I don't know what he is now. Probably just a bigger man."

and I liked this one

"Someone texted me saying he's a bit like I used to be, but more athletic, funnier and better looking."
Martin Johnson on new England second row Courtney Lawes

Hahaha KK must be the thickest person in the world. I'm sure there was a list of stupid KK quotes floating around the internet a few years ago. Can't be arsed finding it though...

edit - COULD be arsed finding it

'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card.'

'The ref was vertically 15 yards away.'

'There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody's got their own opinion...'

'Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.'

'This could be a repeat of the final.'

'The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it.'

'I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.'

'England can end the millenium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world.'

'They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different'

'Despite his white boots, he has real pace...'

'You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw...'

'He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.'

'There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.'

'...using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength.'

'One of his strengths is not heading' (of course, one of Keggy's strengths is not talking)

'Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.'

'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.'

'The tide is very much in our court now.'

'Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose.'

'That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved.'

'I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.'

'A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off.'

'The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game'

'The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.'

'That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.'

'I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.'

'Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different countries...'

'In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.'

'The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.'

'England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none'

'It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney.'

'I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.'

'It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.'

'Discipline is not only very important, it's crucial.'

'Young Gareth Barry - he's young'

'Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.'

'They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.'

'You don't get two chances at this level, or at any other level for that matter.'

'You're not just getting international football, you're getting world football'

'Kanu, a guy with a heart as big as he is'

'Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa'

'Football's always easier when you've got the ball'

'They don't come every three days, like they come after this one'

'I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.'

'The tide is very much in our court now.'

'There's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow.'

'We have spent three matches chasing a football.'

'It's no longer an 11 man game.'

'The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23'

'For some it's the ultimate job, for the others it's the last job.'

'I've had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.'

'We managed to wrong a few rights.'

'We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine'

'He'll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he'll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.'

'Danny Tiatto is not going to make a mistake on purpose'

'I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again'

[TheGOAT]

"Fergie sign him up
Fergie
Fergie
sign him up"

one of my favourites, cant remember who it was though!

[CTID Hants]

"Arrogance comes in lots of different ways"

By some bacon faced old scottich soak from Salford

[ant london]

keegan came out with a quality one last night about micah richards...can anyone quote it?

"I had him when he was 16. He was a man then, I don't know what he is now. Probably just a bigger man."

that is absolutely hilarious....what a fucking clown Keggy is!!

[Wonderwall]

"Tevez is a rich man's Dickov"
Socrates

"De Jong can fuck off back to where he came from the cunt"
NQDP

FMTWF, I wish I had your memory, I hate what alcohol has done to mine ;-)

[Socrates]

"Tevez is a rich man's Dickov"
Socrates

"De Jong can fuck off back to where he came from the cunt"
NQDP



;)

If you are going to put something in quotation marks and attribute it to me then you should really do your research. I remember exactly what I said and it wasn't that...

[Wonderwall]

"Tevez is a rich man's Dickov"
Socrates

"De Jong can fuck off back to where he came from the cunt"
NQDP

FMTWF, I wish I had your memory, I hate what alcohol has done to mine ;-)

pfffft OD, I am not quoting you again ;-)

I think it was something like, only scores against lower league teams, very wasteful in most games and just an expensive Vassell.

CLASSIC

[Socrates]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

[Wonderwall]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

and you would not have made such a cock of yourself with that one liner, everyones a winner, well almost everyone.

[ENIAM NAM]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

So now you are saying you are glad we dropped points just so hughes could get sacked. True colours........

[Socrates]

You guys are still so bitter that I was right about Hughes and about Mancini. AT least I can block Original Dud again and reduce the amount of utter shit from Hughes-bitters I have to read by 50%...

[Socrates]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

So now you are saying you are glad we dropped points just so hughes could get sacked. True colours........

Rather be Champions one day than have those points back and prolong mediocrity? Yes. It's called having a long term view...

[Alex Sapphire]

You guys are still so bitter that I was right about Hughes and about Mancini.

you weren't right about Hughes, not at all.
And it remains to be seen whether you were right about Mancini.
But it doesn't look very becoming to indulge in such hubris

[ENIAM NAM]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

So now you are saying you are glad we dropped points just so hughes could get sacked. True colours........

Rather be Champions one day than have those points back and prolong mediocrity? Yes. It's called having a long term view...

I hope you are right, but I have never hoped for city to drop points.. EVER.. and never will under any circumstances.

[Fidel Castro]

You guys are still so bitter that I was right about Hughes and about Mancini.

Do you love the club or just yourself?
Sorry mate, but that is a quote even Baconface would be proud of, the fuclin arrogance...

[Socrates]

Eternally grateful he was so wasteful during the first quarter of a season otherwise "the Messiah" would still be in a job...

So now you are saying you are glad we dropped points just so hughes could get sacked. True colours........

Rather be Champions one day than have those points back and prolong mediocrity? Yes. It's called having a long term view...

I hope you are right, but I have never hoped for city to drop points.. EVER.. and never will under any circumstances.

No I didn't at the time either but in retrospect I can more than live with it...