Carlito
Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:46 amTEVEZ REWARDED WITH ENTIRE DEER CARCASS
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/spo ... 001202396/
20-01-10
CARLOS Tevez was rewarded for his two goals against Manchester United last night with an entire deer carcass all to himself.
The Manchester City striker jumped up and down with excitement as his handlers tossed the freshly killed animal into his cage, minutes after he had helped secure a vital Carling Cup semi-final win over his former club.
The Argentinian used his massive teeth and claws to tear chunks from the deer as Man City coach Roberto Mancini reached through the bars and stroked his blood-soaked head.
Mancini said: "Carlos is a great asset to the club and just wants to play football, when he's not terrifying villagers and dismembering livestock by moonlight."
Meanwhile experts studying last night’s Manchester derby have discovered that conditions on and off the pitch combined to create the 'perfect storm' for a Ferguson enpurplement.
Analyst Tom Logan said: "Everything just gelled at the right time. A hopeless referee and an ex-player scoring two controversial goals just days after the Glazers told him he would have to take in lodgers to help service the club's £500m debt.
"I will be amazed if Roland Emerich does not make a film about this."
In the past 120 years of professional football, only three matches have had the perfect collision of events necessary to make a manager reach maximum levels of testicle-rupturing fury.
The last occasion was in 1961 when 15 Ipswich Town players called in sick on a Saturday morning just hours after the manager’s wife had left him and he dropped his pipe down a drain.
Tevez scored a controversial penalty
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/spo ... 001202396/
20-01-10
CARLOS Tevez was rewarded for his two goals against Manchester United last night with an entire deer carcass all to himself.
The Manchester City striker jumped up and down with excitement as his handlers tossed the freshly killed animal into his cage, minutes after he had helped secure a vital Carling Cup semi-final win over his former club.
The Argentinian used his massive teeth and claws to tear chunks from the deer as Man City coach Roberto Mancini reached through the bars and stroked his blood-soaked head.
Mancini said: "Carlos is a great asset to the club and just wants to play football, when he's not terrifying villagers and dismembering livestock by moonlight."
Meanwhile experts studying last night’s Manchester derby have discovered that conditions on and off the pitch combined to create the 'perfect storm' for a Ferguson enpurplement.
Analyst Tom Logan said: "Everything just gelled at the right time. A hopeless referee and an ex-player scoring two controversial goals just days after the Glazers told him he would have to take in lodgers to help service the club's £500m debt.
"I will be amazed if Roland Emerich does not make a film about this."
In the past 120 years of professional football, only three matches have had the perfect collision of events necessary to make a manager reach maximum levels of testicle-rupturing fury.
The last occasion was in 1961 when 15 Ipswich Town players called in sick on a Saturday morning just hours after the manager’s wife had left him and he dropped his pipe down a drain.
Tevez scored a controversial penalty