Lucas Leiva* on twitter

[Im_Spartacus]

Worth a read, proper good laugh - dont just read page 1, go back a couple of pages

http://twitter.com/LucasLeiva21

Im starting. Aquilanis finger not recovered. Rafas advice- 'keep it simple'. I have my plan - receive the ball from Stevie, give him it back

Dirks been giving Rafa wine. I can tell when hes drunk because he stares at me disappointingly saying he wishes he'd got a receipt for me.

Aquilani and Degen have made a 'den' at the back of the coach out of sleeping bags. Sign on the front of it saying 'No Physios Allowed'

Aquilani has hurt himself in the den. Typical. He can't move to get out and because of the sign, none of our physios can go in. Real dilemma

[MARKMAKAVELI]

lol whose behind that? and why Lucas of all people?

[Im_Spartacus]

lol whose behind that? and why Lucas of all people?

No idea, clearly a Liverpool fan who is pissed off with the pair of them, but it is quite funny

[Exiled]

I thought this one was funny, which was supposed to be Sam Allardyce:

http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam





.

[HeyMark]

I thought this one was funny, which was supposed to be Sam Allardyce:

http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam





.

That one had me in stitches!

[Exiled]

Some of my favourites:....

My new Uggs just arrived from Littlewoods. Instant fabulous footwear & no payment required until October 2011? Big Sam is ahead of the pack.

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name," Mick Jagger once sang. No need to guess mine. It's Big Sam.

Big Sam begins Friday like only he knows how - draped over the bonnet of my car - topless - singing "I Need You Tonight" by INXS. Smashing.

Big Sam is a mountaineer. A mountaineer of life - wearing the hiking boots of experience and using the trekking pole of understanding.

:-)

[HeyMark]

I often look into the night sky, give a wry smile and wipe away a wistful tear. I'll see you again one day, Jade Goody. I'll see you again.


best one yet

edit: Its just been topped by this one

She's away home now. Says she's off to get an anal bleaching.
2:05 AM Apr 1st via web
Went in for the hug, then she shouted "April Fools you fat bliff" and spat in my face. Why does she hurt me so, Lord, why?
1:45 AM Apr 1st via web
She just told me she loved me and was really proud of my achievements. Even my time at Newcastle.
1:43 AM Apr 1st via web
Oh God. Mother has a vibrator with a picture of my face on the tip. What kind of message is she trying to send??
1:15 AM Apr 1st via web

[Exiled]

There's so many good ones, some more here around when Blackburn played the Scum:

# Working on Sunday's welcome party for Mr Ferguson. Trying to make it much more intimate this year. I just want him to know how I feel. 2:47 AM Apr 9th via web

# Got a few bottles of Black Tower in the chiller and trying to learn Extreme's "More Than Words" on the guitar. 2:53 AM Apr 9th via web

AND

# Mr Ferguson just sent me a text. "Remember last year??" it said. I'm going red just thinking about it. 7:23 AM Apr 9th via web

# We broke into the Pottery Studio Of Westhoughton, pissed off our tits, and tried to re-enact that scene from 'Ghost'. 7:24 AM Apr 9th via web

# That man just brings out the child in Big Sam. 7:25 AM Apr 9th via web

[Guy Debord]

Cos ah'm woath it me an that an aall so ah am

@CherylKerl