Friday's B*ll*x

[Chinners]

Toure torment! Kolo took drugs due to obsession with his 'fat belly'
Kolo Toure's 'psychological obsession with his belly' led to him failing the drugs test which resulted in a six-month ban for the Manchester City defender.
Toure was so desperate about his weight that he took water tablets recommended by a friend of his wife. The failed test which followed was a result of the presence of a prohibited substance in the tablets.
The FA revealed details of Toure's case and it showed in detail not only that the former City captain had become fixated by his weight - in particular his stomach - but also the shambolic attempts he made to check the legality of the substance.
The FA report revealed that Toure had ‘a misplaced perception that he was fat, a symptom of his medical condition’.
The 30-year-old said he had been taking two tablets a day since January, although not on match days as they made him feel ‘a bit tired’. A friend of his wife had sent them by post.
His attempt to check whether they were ‘OK for footballers’ consisted of his wife’s friend phoning a clinic that supplied them in London and asking the receptionist.
Toure claimed he showed them to City’s doctor, Dr Jamie Butler, in a hotel before a game and was given an assurance that they were legal. The doctor, however, claimed he was never shown the water tablets.

Joe Hart has opened talks with City over a deal that will treble his wages to £90,000 a week.

Boateng wants Bayern move
Manchester City defender Jerome Boateng has stated his wish to play for Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich. Manchester City defender Jerome Boateng has stated his wish to play for Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich.
The 22-year-old Germany international is a transfer target of the Bavarian side, which is looking to bolster their defensive options.
Boateng only joined City prior to last season in a 10-million-pound-plus move from Hamburg, but he made only 16 English Premier League appearances.
According to Boateng, Bayern would be a suitable club to join as he believes he would be used in his proper position.
"There are several reasons (I want to join Bayern)," Boateng said.
"The position is one of them, Manchester told me that I would play on the inside, that didn't happen. I only played five or six games in that position and then it is Bayern Munich that wants me."
"I am playing for the German national team and I think it is a dream for every German player to play for them."
"I also will be closer to my family, I am a bit homesick to be honest but firstly it is the fact that Bayern is the number one in Germany and if a club like that knocks on your door you don't say no."
"Bayern is the biggest club in Germany and it is interesting for every player who plays for the national team and it is an honour when a team like this is pursuing you."
Boateng also shed light on a transfer deal that is potentially only days away from being concluded between the two clubs.
"I think everybody knows that I have an agreement with Bayern and now it is up to Manchester so that a settlement can be found and that is all I can say to that for the time being," he said.

DAVID SILVA insists he loves Manchester – unlike City team-mate Carlos Tevez.
Carlos Tevez claimed on Argentine television that there is nothing to do in Manchester. The former Manchester United striker also moaned there were only two good restaurants and that it rains all the time.
However, Silva refused to join his skipper in knocking his place of work.
And the Spanish World Cup winner vowed to take Roberto Mancini’s side to the next level by improving on last season’s achievements.
City won the FA Cup – their first major silverware for 35 years – and a place in the Champions League group stages after a top-three finish.
Silva said: “I am very happy in Manchester. “This year we won a title, we go through to the Champions League and, sure, next year will be better.”




OTHER BOLLOX
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has struck back in the battle for Britain's best youngsters after missing out on Jordan Henderson and Phil Jones by landing Southampton's £12m-rated winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who will be confirmed as a Gunners player on 1 July. Daily Mirror

Wenger is also believed to have made enquiries for Bolton and Blackburn defenders Gary Cahill and Chris Samba and Lille duo Gervinho and Eden Hazard. Daily Express

Arsenal left-back Gael Clichy, who has one year left on his contract, will be the subject of a £5m offer from Liverpool. Guardian

Manchester United are planning a £10m bid for Arsenal midfielder Samir Nasri who will be a free agent in 12 months time. Daily Mirror

Exploratory talks have been held between intermediaries from both sides and did not include the Frenchman's agent. the Independent

New Fulham manager Martin Jol wants to make unsettled Newcastle captain Kevin Nolan his first signing. the Sun

Robbie Keane could also be on his way to Craven Cottage to team up with his former Tottenham manager Jol. the Sun

Ashley Young is poised to complete his transfer to Manchester United before the weekend, when he gets married. Daily Mail

Spurs will demand Asamoah Gyan as part of any deal when Sunderland bid for Peter Crouch, who is their leading attacking target this summer. the Guardian

Manchester United goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak has resigned himself to starting life at another Premier League club after making just seven appearances as Edwin van der Sar's deputy last season and the Old Trafford club signing Atletico Madrid's David de Gea. the Sun

Former Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek could return to England from Real Madrid, with Aston Villa a possible destination. talkSPORT

The president of the Uzbekistan Football Federation says Arsenal want to sign national team captain, midfielder Odil Ahmedov. Daily Mail

Everton are prepared to sell Joseph Yobo and Yakubu to raise money to make a bid for Wigan's Charles N'Zogbia. Daily Mirror

Wigan chairman Dave Whelan says he expects manager Roberto Martinez to make a decision about whether he will join Aston Villa on Friday. talkSPORT

Former England manager Steve McClaren, who missed out on the Villa job following an angry fans backlash, is set to return to Holland and could return to FC Twente. Daily Mail

Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard has said he is in the best condition he has been in for a decade after groin surgery ended his season early. Daily Mirror

Arsenal legend Tony Adams says he rates former Gunners boss George Graham as a better coach than Arsene Wenger. Daily Mirror

Arsenal midfielder Abou Diaby has risked the wrath of his own fans - by revealing he owns a Tottenham shirt given to him by friend and Spurs defender Younes Kaboul and wears it around the house. the Sun

[bobby brows]

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye. Arsenal fans had their own catchy ditty for Samir Nasri last season, but now it seems the wantaway Frenchman really does intend to leave this summer, maybe they should adopt the Mill's suggestion. Nasri's off to Manchester United for £10m or £20m depending on which paper you believe. Apparently Carl Jenkinson wasn't quite the big name Nasri had in mind.

Poor old Carl Jenkinson. "But I got you Carl Jenkinson," the Mill imagines a teary-eyed Arsène Wenger screaming at Nasri. "Carl Jenkinson! What more can I do for you? Fine! Go ahead and leave! We don't need you anyway. It's just me and Carl from now on. What? What's that Cesc? OH SCREW THIS!!!!!" Johan Djourou reckons Arsenal can do without Nasri and Cesc Fábregas though. Yeah, and the Mill can get by just fine without its looks.

Arsenal will console themselves by signing Southampton's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain for £12m, Lille's Gervinho for £10m and Bolton's Gary Cahill for £17m. Karim Benzema's available, you know. Wenger's mood probably won't improve once he hears that Liverpool have made a £5m offer for bumbling left-back Gaël Clichy, who's quick and, er ... well he's quick, OK? Kenny Dalglish has also decided he wants Arsenal's French defender instead of Newcastle's José Enrique, although he's going to have to keep Italian ornament, Alberto Aquilani, after Juventus opted not to sign the flint-boned midfielder. Still, anything that keeps Christian Poulsen away from the first team can only be a good thing. Meanwhile new signing Jordan Henderson thinks he has much to learn from Steven Gerrard. Well those Hollywood balls won't hit themselves.

One player Liverpool won't be getting is Ashley Young. With United basing their entire transfer strategy on signing whoever Liverpool show a fleeting interest in – which probably wouldn't have been so clever during the Gérard Houllier or Rafa Benítez era – it means they'll be signing the Aston Villa winger for £20m. According to the Mirror, Young will sign a five-year deal worth £130,000-a-week, although getting Young doesn't actually solve that great gaping hole in the centre of United's midfield. Just sign as many fleet-footed tricksters as you want, Sir Alex, and no one will notice. It's always worked for Arsenal. Meanwhile Tomasz Kuszczak has told Ferguson to pick him or he'll leave United. As far as ultimatums go, it's up there with the BBC threatening to destroy every episode of My Family.

Young's exit will mean Roberto Martínez will have a tricky job on his hands if he does opt to leave Wigan Athletic for Villa. The Spaniard had better get scouring in the Concacaf market sharpish. It's still not clear whether Martínez will join Villa, but Randy Lerner is ready to double his wages and Dave Whelan won't stand in his way, which is nice of him. So Villa's big push for eighth place is on. Martínez won't be the only one out the Wigan door either, with Everton sniffing around Charles Insomnia, who's valued at £9m.

Jérôme Boateng says he wants to leave Manchester City for Bayern Munich. Jérôme Boateng plays for Manchester City? Martin Jol wants to make chicken-dancing Kevin Nolan his first signing for Fulham. Newcastle will replace him with Lille's £4.3m-rated midfielder Yohan Cabaye, who runs a taxi company on the side. Sunderland's bid for Peter Crouch from Tottenham has hit a stumbling block after that crafty Harry Redknapp demanded Asamoah Gyan in return.

The Mirror says Venky's have given Blackburn's 'manager' Steve Kean £26m to spend. Look, just play along, OK? Let them have their fun. With this 'money', Kean hopes to sign Roger Johnson, Scott Dann, James Collins, Sebastian Larsson, Jermaine Jones and Roque Santa Cruz. Real Madrid are planning a £3.5m bid for QPR's Alejandro Faurlín, who'll be playing for Getafe by January.

Ryan Giggs is on the front pages again. This country wants to grow up.

[Tony P]

Kolo should cut down on the ale and pork pies.

[Wooders]

we should have had a crack at nasri

[Avalon]

I laughed on the extra b*ll*x. Glad to see someone take the time to post such a post. Thanks!
Of course Chinners deserves credit too for taking the time to post his b*ll*x for everybody to see, including young children.

[ruralblue]

Kolo should cut down on the ale and pork pies.

Ha ha ha.

[Alioune DVToure]

Silva gave that interview to the spanish press about three weeks ago. It's ridiculous how they're turning it into a 'David refutes Carlos's claims' narrative. Shit, lazy wankers.