Thursday's B*ll*x (updated)

Adam lands new £80k-a-week deal
ADAM JOHNSON will sign a new double-your-money four-year contract with Manchester City in the next 48 hours.
The England winger will see his weekly wage go from £40,000 to £80,000 a week to end any doubts about his future.
Johnson, 24, has had to battle to be a regular first-team starter.
He was also angry with Roberto Mancini after the boss questioned his work-rate last month.
But Mancini said: "If he was not a good player, then I wouldn't waste my time saying this.
"But I do as he has everything, I don't want him stopping at this level. I want him up a level — then a level more.
"If he can continue to work hard and to improve he can be one of the best wingers in Europe."
Johnson was Mancini's first buy in January 2010 when he moved from Middlesbrough in a £7million deal and has made 71 appearances scoring 12 goals.
City legend Mike Summerbee, 68, added: "There's no other player like this lad. He excites the crowd with the way he beats people."
Balotelli tells Inter: I'm staying at City
Mario Balotelli has told his former club Inter Milan that he is committed to Manchester City.
The controversial striker is wanted by his old club, less then two years after they sold him to City for £24million.
Inter president Massimo Moratti has revealed his desire to lure Balotelli back to the San Siro during the January transfer window.
After a difficult first year in England, when he admitted to being homesick, Balotelli has been a revelation this season.
He has scored seven goals in his last eight games, helping City establish a five-point lead at the top of the Premier League.
Although he admitted he was flattered by Moratti's interest and said he will return to Italy one day, Balotelli vowed he is staying at City.
With AC Milan and Napoli also keen on the 21-year-old striker, Balotelli is not short of suitors back in his homeland.
But when asked about a potential move back home, he said: "Not now. One day, we will see.
"It's true I have spoken about Inter or Milan, but there are also other teams in England, or in Spain.
"Napoli? I have said that I like the town.
"I thank Moratti for saying he would sign me back immediately. But I'm very happy where I am. I don't want to leave Manchester City right now."
Balotelli underlined the progress he has made this season with his first goal for Italy in a 2-0 win away to Poland in a friendly last Friday.
And the City forward reckons the Azzurri will go to Euro 2012 next summer as one of the favourites.
"The European Championship?" said Balotelli. "We will go to win, otherwise it is the end of the world."
Mario Balotelli tears himself a new strip
MARIO BALOTELLI turned strip teaser during Italy's 1-0 flop to Uruguay in Rome.
After first practising his kick-boxing on a post, the Manchester City star then got shirty with his No 9 top and called for a new one. But he soon hit a kit of trouble similar to his training-bib boob last March, getting in a right old back-to-front tangle.
At last, though, while home fans felt short-changed, Balotelli was shirt changed.
Why the 'Poznan' is a wholly appropriate celebration for Man City

I'm making a list, the Wrong-Headed Buffoon list: any pundit, commentator, journalist or fan who uses the phrase 'all credit to Man City' will be on it.
Man City deserve no credit whatsoever. Man City, in fact, don't exist anymore. A collection of footballers (and 'collection' is a good word here, by the way - they could be Picassos or sports cars) play in troublingly familiar light blue shirts in a place called the Etihad Stadium because they are paid ludicrous amounts of money by someone called Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan to do so.
That's not Man City. That's, to use the club's own word, a 'project'. Or, more accurately, a pin in a map. Like Chelsea, City are a pin in a map.
They have not been adopted by an avuncular local businessman who spent his youth on the terraces, and then, when he'd struck it rich, decided, rather romantically, that he could think of no finer way to lose a hundred million or so than by investing it in the team he supports.
And they're not an obvious blue chip target, like Man Utd, Liverpool or, let's face it, Arsenal: a club known all over the world and one that leaps to the front of the mind and the head of the queue if a foreign businessman does want to get involved in all this Premier League excitement.
They're Man City, the comedy club. The y0-yo club. Manchester's real club? Maybe. But now now, now they're a pin in a map.
And I'm not having all that nonsense about 'Yes, but, you can't just win the title by spending money; Mancini's got to build a team, make decisions, etc. All credit to him.'
Nope, you're on the list. There's never been spending like this, it dwarfs even what Chelsea did. Check it out. And that doesn't even take wages into account.
Yes the manager, tactics, team spirit or whatever might be so appalling that they don't win it in the first, second or third season of 'the project', but they will. It's just a matter or time and numbers. Sheer weight of numbers.
So, when (not if) they do win the league, there's no sense in applauding them and no point in berating them. This is how the world works now. This is how success is... um, not 'won', exactly... I know 'arrived at'. This is how success is arrived at.
No, the only response is to turn our backs. Look elsewhere. Let them celebrate and celebrate and congratulate each other. Until they realise no one else is congratulating them; no one else is even watching.
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
OTHER BOLLOX
Manchester United's Dimitar Berbatov is a £15m January target for big-spending Russian side Anzhi Makhachkala. Daily Mirror
Spartak Moscow are launching an £8m bid for Blackburn Rovers midfielder Steven Nzonzi. Daily Mail
And Rovers have been told Hoffenheim's Bosnian striker Vaded Ibisevic will only consider a £3.5m switch to Ewood Park if a relegation release clause is included in his contract. (Daily Express)
Chelsea are set to revive their interest in Porto defender Alvaro Pereira, having come close to securing his services in the summer. talkSHIT
Sao Paulo say only an 'irresistible' offer for Brazil attacking midfielder Lucas - a Manchester United and Liverpool target - will tempt them to sell in January. talkSHIT
Liverpool are paying close attention to Philippe Coutinho's situation at Inter Milan as the Brazilian midfielder is becoming increasingly frustrated with his bit-part role. Metro
Juventus ace Milos Krasic has alerted a host of clubs including Manchester United and Chelsea, after his agent admitted he would be interested in a move to the Premier League. Metro
Arsenal are considering a move to sign Roma midfielder Daniele De Rossi in January. Caught Offside
The Gunners are also said to be stepping up their efforts to sign Belgium defender Jan Vertongen. (Daily Express)
Everton youngster Seamus Coleman is interesting Liverpool, who hope to take advantage of their fellow Merseyside club's perilous financial position by making a January offer. Caught Offside
Tottenham are interested in signing Dutch striker Ola John, 19, for £4m as they look to secure more youth prospects in January. Footy Latest
Chelsea are putting together a £40m offer for Real Madrid striker Gonzalo Higuain. Footy Latest
Nancy's highly rated 16-year-old midfielder Dolan Bahamboula is being tracked by Manchester United. Inside Futbol
Celtic have joined the queue of clubs monitoring prolific Huddersfield and Scotland striker Jordan Rhodes. The Mail
Guus Hiddink is contemplating a return to Chelsea in a move that could unsettle the London club's manager Andre Villas-Boas. Daily Mail
Meanwhile Blues striker Daniel Sturridge has told Villas-Boas he wants to replace Fernando Torres as Chelsea's main striker to boost his Euro 2012 hopes. Daily Express
England boss Fabio Capello has compared Manchester United youngster Phil Jones to football legend Franco Baresi, who played for him at AC Milan. Daily Mirror
Capello has also likened Jones to former Real Madrid and Span defender Fernando Hierro. The Sun
West Ham manager Sam Allardyce says Phil Jones' attacking ability would be wasted at centre-back. talkSHIT
Swansea defender Garry Monk believes his side's clash with Manchester United on Saturday is the biggest in the club's 99-year-old history. Daily Star
Pop superstar Rihanna had an awkward encounter with Tottenham striker Jermain Defoe after accidentally mistaking him for an Arsenal player. Metro
5-year-old Man City fan now with Man Utd
[youtube]P3fVN5fjUJE[/youtube]
Though Man City's new-found financial power has meant that they've been the Manchester club bringing in the majority of the big signings in recent years, Man United have swiped a player right from under City's own gold-encrusted nose. First spotted by the Red Devils when he was just three years old, Man City fan Charlie Jackson, now five, has been convinced to start training with his favorite club's biggest rivals.
But it took some convincing to get Charlie to go against his loyalties like that. From The Sun:
Accountant Andy [Charlie's father] said: "His idols are Joe Hart and Mario Balotelli and at first he was mortified at training with United. He didn't want to go.
"Eventually I had to tell him, 'Look, we'll let United train you up. Then when you're really good, you can go to City'.
Since he's only five, Man United can't sign him to a contract yet. However, he is training with players who are mostly a year older than him once a week in their development program. And before you go thinking that this child is being forced into a life of football before he can figure out whether that's really what he wants to do, Charlie's dad makes his intentions clear:
"We haven't set him any long-term goals. The moment he stops enjoying football is the moment we look at doing something else with him.
"There's no pressure on him at all but it would be nice if he plays for City one day."
Given how clear Charlie and his parents are about his desire to play for City, Alex Ferguson might have an elaborate plan laid out to systematically erode Charlie's skills while he trains with Man United. They'll probably make him play with bowling balls disguised as footballs and have Jonny Evans teach him everything he knows.
Anyway, the one-year-old who actually signed a contract with VVV-Venlo back in April is not impressed. Mostly because he has no idea what's going on here.
ADAM JOHNSON will sign a new double-your-money four-year contract with Manchester City in the next 48 hours.
The England winger will see his weekly wage go from £40,000 to £80,000 a week to end any doubts about his future.
Johnson, 24, has had to battle to be a regular first-team starter.
He was also angry with Roberto Mancini after the boss questioned his work-rate last month.
But Mancini said: "If he was not a good player, then I wouldn't waste my time saying this.
"But I do as he has everything, I don't want him stopping at this level. I want him up a level — then a level more.
"If he can continue to work hard and to improve he can be one of the best wingers in Europe."
Johnson was Mancini's first buy in January 2010 when he moved from Middlesbrough in a £7million deal and has made 71 appearances scoring 12 goals.
City legend Mike Summerbee, 68, added: "There's no other player like this lad. He excites the crowd with the way he beats people."
Balotelli tells Inter: I'm staying at City
Mario Balotelli has told his former club Inter Milan that he is committed to Manchester City.
The controversial striker is wanted by his old club, less then two years after they sold him to City for £24million.
Inter president Massimo Moratti has revealed his desire to lure Balotelli back to the San Siro during the January transfer window.
After a difficult first year in England, when he admitted to being homesick, Balotelli has been a revelation this season.
He has scored seven goals in his last eight games, helping City establish a five-point lead at the top of the Premier League.
Although he admitted he was flattered by Moratti's interest and said he will return to Italy one day, Balotelli vowed he is staying at City.
With AC Milan and Napoli also keen on the 21-year-old striker, Balotelli is not short of suitors back in his homeland.
But when asked about a potential move back home, he said: "Not now. One day, we will see.
"It's true I have spoken about Inter or Milan, but there are also other teams in England, or in Spain.
"Napoli? I have said that I like the town.
"I thank Moratti for saying he would sign me back immediately. But I'm very happy where I am. I don't want to leave Manchester City right now."
Balotelli underlined the progress he has made this season with his first goal for Italy in a 2-0 win away to Poland in a friendly last Friday.
And the City forward reckons the Azzurri will go to Euro 2012 next summer as one of the favourites.
"The European Championship?" said Balotelli. "We will go to win, otherwise it is the end of the world."
Mario Balotelli tears himself a new strip
MARIO BALOTELLI turned strip teaser during Italy's 1-0 flop to Uruguay in Rome.
After first practising his kick-boxing on a post, the Manchester City star then got shirty with his No 9 top and called for a new one. But he soon hit a kit of trouble similar to his training-bib boob last March, getting in a right old back-to-front tangle.
At last, though, while home fans felt short-changed, Balotelli was shirt changed.
Why the 'Poznan' is a wholly appropriate celebration for Man City

I'm making a list, the Wrong-Headed Buffoon list: any pundit, commentator, journalist or fan who uses the phrase 'all credit to Man City' will be on it.
Man City deserve no credit whatsoever. Man City, in fact, don't exist anymore. A collection of footballers (and 'collection' is a good word here, by the way - they could be Picassos or sports cars) play in troublingly familiar light blue shirts in a place called the Etihad Stadium because they are paid ludicrous amounts of money by someone called Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan to do so.
That's not Man City. That's, to use the club's own word, a 'project'. Or, more accurately, a pin in a map. Like Chelsea, City are a pin in a map.
They have not been adopted by an avuncular local businessman who spent his youth on the terraces, and then, when he'd struck it rich, decided, rather romantically, that he could think of no finer way to lose a hundred million or so than by investing it in the team he supports.
And they're not an obvious blue chip target, like Man Utd, Liverpool or, let's face it, Arsenal: a club known all over the world and one that leaps to the front of the mind and the head of the queue if a foreign businessman does want to get involved in all this Premier League excitement.
They're Man City, the comedy club. The y0-yo club. Manchester's real club? Maybe. But now now, now they're a pin in a map.
And I'm not having all that nonsense about 'Yes, but, you can't just win the title by spending money; Mancini's got to build a team, make decisions, etc. All credit to him.'
Nope, you're on the list. There's never been spending like this, it dwarfs even what Chelsea did. Check it out. And that doesn't even take wages into account.
Yes the manager, tactics, team spirit or whatever might be so appalling that they don't win it in the first, second or third season of 'the project', but they will. It's just a matter or time and numbers. Sheer weight of numbers.
So, when (not if) they do win the league, there's no sense in applauding them and no point in berating them. This is how the world works now. This is how success is... um, not 'won', exactly... I know 'arrived at'. This is how success is arrived at.
No, the only response is to turn our backs. Look elsewhere. Let them celebrate and celebrate and congratulate each other. Until they realise no one else is congratulating them; no one else is even watching.
[spoiler]

OTHER BOLLOX
Manchester United's Dimitar Berbatov is a £15m January target for big-spending Russian side Anzhi Makhachkala. Daily Mirror
Spartak Moscow are launching an £8m bid for Blackburn Rovers midfielder Steven Nzonzi. Daily Mail
And Rovers have been told Hoffenheim's Bosnian striker Vaded Ibisevic will only consider a £3.5m switch to Ewood Park if a relegation release clause is included in his contract. (Daily Express)
Chelsea are set to revive their interest in Porto defender Alvaro Pereira, having come close to securing his services in the summer. talkSHIT
Sao Paulo say only an 'irresistible' offer for Brazil attacking midfielder Lucas - a Manchester United and Liverpool target - will tempt them to sell in January. talkSHIT
Liverpool are paying close attention to Philippe Coutinho's situation at Inter Milan as the Brazilian midfielder is becoming increasingly frustrated with his bit-part role. Metro
Juventus ace Milos Krasic has alerted a host of clubs including Manchester United and Chelsea, after his agent admitted he would be interested in a move to the Premier League. Metro
Arsenal are considering a move to sign Roma midfielder Daniele De Rossi in January. Caught Offside
The Gunners are also said to be stepping up their efforts to sign Belgium defender Jan Vertongen. (Daily Express)
Everton youngster Seamus Coleman is interesting Liverpool, who hope to take advantage of their fellow Merseyside club's perilous financial position by making a January offer. Caught Offside
Tottenham are interested in signing Dutch striker Ola John, 19, for £4m as they look to secure more youth prospects in January. Footy Latest
Chelsea are putting together a £40m offer for Real Madrid striker Gonzalo Higuain. Footy Latest
Nancy's highly rated 16-year-old midfielder Dolan Bahamboula is being tracked by Manchester United. Inside Futbol
Celtic have joined the queue of clubs monitoring prolific Huddersfield and Scotland striker Jordan Rhodes. The Mail
Guus Hiddink is contemplating a return to Chelsea in a move that could unsettle the London club's manager Andre Villas-Boas. Daily Mail
Meanwhile Blues striker Daniel Sturridge has told Villas-Boas he wants to replace Fernando Torres as Chelsea's main striker to boost his Euro 2012 hopes. Daily Express
England boss Fabio Capello has compared Manchester United youngster Phil Jones to football legend Franco Baresi, who played for him at AC Milan. Daily Mirror
Capello has also likened Jones to former Real Madrid and Span defender Fernando Hierro. The Sun
West Ham manager Sam Allardyce says Phil Jones' attacking ability would be wasted at centre-back. talkSHIT
Swansea defender Garry Monk believes his side's clash with Manchester United on Saturday is the biggest in the club's 99-year-old history. Daily Star
Pop superstar Rihanna had an awkward encounter with Tottenham striker Jermain Defoe after accidentally mistaking him for an Arsenal player. Metro
5-year-old Man City fan now with Man Utd
[youtube]P3fVN5fjUJE[/youtube]
Though Man City's new-found financial power has meant that they've been the Manchester club bringing in the majority of the big signings in recent years, Man United have swiped a player right from under City's own gold-encrusted nose. First spotted by the Red Devils when he was just three years old, Man City fan Charlie Jackson, now five, has been convinced to start training with his favorite club's biggest rivals.
But it took some convincing to get Charlie to go against his loyalties like that. From The Sun:
Accountant Andy [Charlie's father] said: "His idols are Joe Hart and Mario Balotelli and at first he was mortified at training with United. He didn't want to go.
"Eventually I had to tell him, 'Look, we'll let United train you up. Then when you're really good, you can go to City'.
Since he's only five, Man United can't sign him to a contract yet. However, he is training with players who are mostly a year older than him once a week in their development program. And before you go thinking that this child is being forced into a life of football before he can figure out whether that's really what he wants to do, Charlie's dad makes his intentions clear:
"We haven't set him any long-term goals. The moment he stops enjoying football is the moment we look at doing something else with him.
"There's no pressure on him at all but it would be nice if he plays for City one day."
Given how clear Charlie and his parents are about his desire to play for City, Alex Ferguson might have an elaborate plan laid out to systematically erode Charlie's skills while he trains with Man United. They'll probably make him play with bowling balls disguised as footballs and have Jonny Evans teach him everything he knows.
Anyway, the one-year-old who actually signed a contract with VVV-Venlo back in April is not impressed. Mostly because he has no idea what's going on here.