This is from today's Cheshire Today:
LUKAKU GETS ‘DREAM MOVE’ TO MAN U
Romelu Lukaku has completed what he described as his dream move to Manchester United. The striker has moved from Everton in a move said to be worth up to £90 million with add-ons, but sources close to the club claim to be as high as Paul Pogba’s £130 million move last summer, a figure which includes a payment of more than £40 million pound to the agent Mino Raiola (who has brokered the Lukaku deal).
Lukaku, a Belgium international, says that the move has nothing to do with trebling his wages, or to do with the fact that Chelsea were not willing to pay his agent the exorbitant fee he requested, and was instead motivated by his desire to play for the Premier League champions. ‘I want to play for the Premier League champions,’ said Lukaku. When it was pointed out to him that Chealsea are in fact the champions, Lukaku retorted ‘I meant the champions from a few years back, history is important to me.’
Lukaku also claimed that he can’t wait to play for Sir Alec Feherguson and that he’s sure they’ll win lots of titles together. When it was further pointed out to him that Jose Mourinho was now the manager at the Stadium of Increasing Desperation and that he had not rated him at Chelsea and so got rid of him, Lukaku paused before declaring ‘He won’t be Mercenary United’s manager for much longer as all the players hate him. Oops! Can you not put that in your paper, I’m not supposed to say that?’
Lukaku, a passionate follower of Buddhism, said that he had always wanted to play for Man U as far back as when he’d been a cockroach in one of his previous lives and that he was looking forward to moving to Surrey to get closer to the fans. Asked what he was going to spend his new-found wealth on, Lukaku said that he - like all player at the Theatre of Increasing Debt - only played for the love of the shirt and the minimum wage.
Lukaku then drove off in his brand new red Lamborghini.