Letters from Poland

[Patrick]

Im sitting in the restaurant at the Orbis Polonez, multi-tasking. Trying to eat my way out of a hangover, making very unpleasant beery smells from my bottom and keeping my mind off the pain by boring the crap out of you lot. Strange how the very pretty and attentive young waitress seems to have lost interest in visiting my table.

in the end it took me the best part of 16 hours to drive across Europe. No real problems to start with, hit 240kph (150mph) on the German motorway which was legal but felt very very wrong. So I reckoned I was going to make the trip in about 10 hours until I found that the Polish had decided to dig up about 150 miles of motorway redirecting the entire eastern blocks output of shoddy goods and prostitutes along a small meandering B road designed solely for panzers and fleeing refugees.

Still at about 9.30pm we arrived at the hotel of choice and were greeted at the reception desk by a blood stained clump of tissues and a cowering receptionist who had perhaps learned her expression from her mother when encountering other foreigners from the west back in 1939.

The next 30 minutes made me question the sanity of making the trip. The lobby of the hotel was filled with a dozen or so of the best fans in all the world, completely pissed, shouting, swearing and accusing the hotel staff of not being interested that "I've got a fuckin hole in me fuckin ed". I was also warned by the drunks not to wear my colours in town and that the Polish would kick the shit out of me as soon as they heard me speak English.

The rest of the evening was cracking. In the old square we found plenty of good natured city fans and loads of friendly Poles with whom to share the ridiculously low priced but fairly strong zyweic lager. We ended up in a bar called the lizard I think, where a jazz jam seemed to be going on. They just played one tune for about an hour with any number of musicians or singers just getting up and giving it large, but by this time I was fairly well wankered myself and decided to call it a night.

The friendly taxi driver enquired if I wanted sex as he took me back to the hotel but I declined as, I still haven't explored
completely the extent of my heterosexuality and there seem to be plenty of nice ladies here in Poznan that consider my dashing good looks and hard currency a very attractive proposition.

Right, I'm going to check out the plumbing, perhaps more tomorrow if I feel I'll again.......

[Chinners]

Cheers Kippax, been a while since one of your field reports ....

[Patrick]

Haven't found him or spiv yet

[avoidconfusion]

The friendly taxi driver enquired if I wanted sex as he took me back to the hotel but I declined as,

hahahahahahahahahaha

[Mase]

Keep the updates coming. They're a funny read!

[Moonchesteri]

Good stuff! I love all the away day trip stories. Oh, and enjoy the game!

[Ted Hughes]

Ą Ć Ę Ł Ń Ó Ś Ź Ż

[Patrick]

You really have to try and find the silver lining on days like this when city do what city so often do. For me it's the fact that due to the lack of alcohol available between 5pm and 11pm and being so knackered I actually went to bed quite sober. Thus I feel ready to face rainy Poland today with renewed vigour. I hope I am not being overconfident but I am even sporting the pair of white underpants I packed without thinking.

The ladies in Poland are absolutely gorgeous, short skirts and boots are de rigueur. Poor old Doomeh would be having a nightmare as there are probably less than 10 chunky monkeys in the whole of Poznan, although they are all dressed in riot gear, which would probably work for him. Yes they have lady riot cops.

Can't really bring myself to talk about the game, you all probably had a better view than me anyway. City voices were good and strong before the first goal, after the second and at the end. Funniest song was probably "fuck off back to England"!

The polish fans are amazing as I'm sure you saw, how on earth do you get support like that at CoMS? Talk about an extra man, it was like an extra team, the place is a fortress. Many of them gave us a good round of applause at the end and in town later we had many handshakes from their loyals.

Low point was probably the queue for the hot dogs, 1400 city fans all trying to absorb a gallon or so of cheap beer and they open one tiny hatch and put dumb and dumber behind the bar (although dumber was very pretty). now all they had to do was take a sausage stick it in a roll, squirt on some ketchup and take the money. Not a word of exaggeration when I tell you that their output was something less than one fucling hotdog per minute. And then they had the audacity to charge 15 zlots for the minging piece of reconstituted meat in cardboard. Now that may only be 4 quid to you and me, but you can buy a prostitute, a race horse and a kilo of columbians purest for the same money and still have change to buy 3 pints.

Anyway enough..... I am off to do a bit of sight seeing and to chose which lucky girl I am going to bundle in the trunk of my car for the trip back home tomorrow

[The Man In Blue]

I'm laying the blame for last night's shambles squarely at Paddy's door. Fucking hotdogs.

[Feed The Goat]

The hot dog was awful.

[halnone]

[youtube]bQKM5gnMIiA&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]
It looks like City fans were having a good time.

[blootoof]

Im sitting in the restaurant at the Orbis Polonez, multi-tasking. Trying to eat my way out of a hangover, making very unpleasant beery smells from my bottom and keeping my mind off the pain by boring the crap out of you lot. Strange how the very pretty and attentive young waitress seems to have lost interest in visiting my table.

in the end it took me the best part of 16 hours to drive across Europe. No real problems to start with, hit 240kph (150mph) on the German motorway which was legal but felt very very wrong. So I reckoned I was going to make the trip in about 10 hours until I found that the Polish had decided to dig up about 150 miles of motorway redirecting the entire eastern blocks output of shoddy goods and prostitutes along a small meandering B road designed solely for panzers and fleeing refugees.

Still at about 9.30pm we arrived at the hotel of choice and were greeted at the reception desk by a blood stained clump of tissues and a cowering receptionist who had perhaps learned her expression from her mother when encountering other foreigners from the west back in 1939.

The next 30 minutes made me question the sanity of making the trip. The lobby of the hotel was filled with a dozen or so of the best fans in all the world, completely pissed, shouting, swearing and accusing the hotel staff of not being interested that "I've got a fuckin hole in me fuckin ed". I was also warned by the drunks not to wear my colours in town and that the Polish would kick the shit out of me as soon as they heard me speak English.

The rest of the evening was cracking. In the old square we found plenty of good natured city fans and loads of friendly Poles with whom to share the ridiculously low priced but fairly strong zyweic lager. We ended up in a bar called the lizard I think, where a jazz jam seemed to be going on. They just played one tune for about an hour with any number of musicians or singers just getting up and giving it large, but by this time I was fairly well wankered myself and decided to call it a night.

The friendly taxi driver enquired if I wanted sex as he took me back to the hotel but I declined as, I still haven't explored
completely the extent of my heterosexuality and there seem to be plenty of nice ladies here in Poznan that consider my dashing good looks and hard currency a very attractive proposition.

Right, I'm going to check out the plumbing, perhaps more tomorrow if I feel I'll again.......

I'm sure we stayed at the same hotel the night after the Groclin game. Did it have a casino downstairs, plus a big fuckoff eagle thing on the wall near the reception?

You're fuckin spot on about the women Patrick. Got a few email addresses while over there. Thought I'd give them to a mate as I knew the breadnife would be through my belongins like a Romanian baggage handler when I got back. Not seen them since. The cunts probably knockin one out now to a web cam as I type :/

[dikdik]

Thanks for that Patrick. How wonderful to read a city fan with wit and humour, especially in the face of adversity. Keep the faith because one day it might very well happen.

[mcfctm]

The poles were surprisingly friendly, and apart from a few idiots on the Wednesday night there was no trouble at all. Was a top trip!

[Tokyo Blue]

The poles were surprisingly friendly, and apart from a few idiots on the Wednesday night there was no trouble at all. Was a top trip!

Isn't it sad that you get surprised when people behave civilly towards you?

[mcfctm]

The poles were surprisingly friendly, and apart from a few idiots on the Wednesday night there was no trouble at all. Was a top trip!

Isn't it sad that you get surprised when people behave civilly towards you?

Not really mate, not when you hear stories about them. My mate saw about 100 of them in balaclava's in a pub after the match so yeah it was a surprise.