Wednesday's B*ll*x (updated)

[Chinners]

Balotelli in 'nightclub scuffle' on vanishing City star's return to Italy for 'family reasons'

Controversial Manchester City star Mario Balotelli has been involved in a scuffle outside an Italian nightspot after eyeing up another man's girlfriend, according to reports in Italy
Balotelli, 20, who snubbed City's open top bus parade through Manchester after being given time off for 'family reasons' was said to have hit the town after returning to his homeland.
According to the respected Gazzetta Dello Sport, the striker, who has been picked for the Italian national squad, was on a night out with friends in Milan when the incident happened.
The report said that he had been at the Lotus bar 'enjoying some man to man marking with the ladies' when he started eyeing up a Senegalese woman who was there with her boyfriend.
Gazzetta said that as Balotelli, named man of the match in City's recent FA Cup win over Stoke, left he was slapped twice in the face by the woman's boyfriend.
The report said that 'no damage was done' and police were not involved but Balotelli was 'taught a hard lesson.'
A member of staff at Lotus was quoted as saying: 'Balotelli's visit to our place was irrelevant and uninfluential - he would have been better off not coming.
'When he comes he he doesn't drink anything and he doesn't pay when he does. When he came the time before he left without settling his bill.'
Balotelli is said to have visited several nightclubs in Milan, Old Fashion and Hollywood Living, even outrunning photographers by speeding through red lights, Gazzetta added.
As of Wednesday he is not thought to have seen his adopted family who live in nearby Brescia or his real parents who also live there and with whom he has had a falling out.
Lotus was closed on Wednesday while Balotelli's agent Mino Raiola could also not be reached for comment.
Earlier this week Balotelli and Raiola had been at an end of season agents' and club executives' meeting in Milan where the player had thrown water bombs at TV crews from a second floor window.
However he did say he was happy at City and would be staying in England next season. He said: 'Winning the FA Cup was fantastic - I didn't realise just how important it was until we got to the final.
'I'm not going to say what my objectives are, I just want people to see me as a normal 20-year-old lad, a strong footballer but not a super bad boy. It's easy to handle me - who says otherwise hasn't understood anything.' Daily 'have a pop at City' Mail

Manchester City offer €200 million for Real Madrid superstar Ronaldo.
According to reports Manchester City have already made a concrete move for Real Madrid ace Cristiano Ronaldo.
A Bola claims City representatives have offered Real an astronomical €200 million for the fomer Manchester United legend.
City were willing to pay the colossal sum if it meant bringing Ronaldo successfully back to the Premier League in a blue shirt.
The Eastlands club were ready to give the Portuguese a contract worth €17 million-a-year, an increase of €7 million-a-year on his Madrid deal.
However, it seems Real president Florentino Perez turned down the offer for a player who’s buy-out clause is €1 billion.

Mancini in Abu Dhabi to talk transfer targets
Mancini believes serious spending is required this summer
Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini was in Abu Dhabi last night with his summer transfer targets on the agenda for a board meeting which will help map the next stage in the club's progress.
City are not understood to have the Argentine Sergio Aguero in their sights, despite the fact he has told Atletico Madrid he wants to leave, and neither did the €35m (£30.5m) bid which Udinese received – and rejected – for the Chilean forward Alexis Sanchez come from City. But Mancini made it clear before leaving Manchester that he believes serious spending is required this summer, potentially putting him on a collision course with chief executive Garry Cook.
Mancini said on Friday that he wants all the new arrivals in place by the start of next season and his hand is strengthened by City's strong end to this campaign, which saw them finish level on points with second-placed Chelsea.
Mario Balotelli's failure to show for the club's FA Cup parade does not signal the end of his career at City and though the striker's bizarre character was revealed again yesterday when he appeared at a players' gathering in Milan and hurled water bombs, he has started his summer in Italy by pledging his future to City – for now.
"For the time being, I am happy in England," he told Corriere dello Sport. And though he has never hidden his affection for Milan, the team he supported as a boy, he insisted that a move to the Rossoneri was out of the question.
"I compliment Milan for winning the scudetto, but with regards to me, I am happy," he said. Balotelli's agent, Mino Raiola, has confirmed that the striker's future is at City, where he is under contract until June 2015. "I'm 2,000 per cent certain that Balotelli will remain at Manchester City," Raiola said.

(Obviously this has been interpreted a tad differently in the Sun)
Man Splitty
ROBERTO MANCINI has flown to Abu Dhabi to speak to chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak amid a breakdown in relations at Manchester City.
Mancini's relationship with the club's chief executive Garry Cook has grown increasingly tense.
He is also angry at claims from the club's football administrator Brian Marwood that his FA Cup-winning squad just need 'tinkering' with for next season.
Italian boss Mancini believes neither of them share his vision for what is needed in the summer transfer market to be successful in the Champions League and go for the Premier League next season.

Chelsea target Manchester City star Carlos Tevez and Real Madrid ace Kaka
Chelsea target Manchester City star Carlos Tevez and Real Madrid ace Kaka According to reports Manchester City skipper Carlos Tevez and Real Madrid midfielder Kaka are being chased by Chelsea.
The Telegraph claims Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich reckons the pair will help Fernando Torres rediscover his scoring touch.
Chelsea hope to sign a big-name creative midfield player such as Kaka while Ajax right-back Gregory van der Wiel is also on the list.
The Chelsea owner appears to view Carlos Tévez as exactly the right man to bring the best out of the misfiring Spaniard who signed for a record £50 million fee from Liverpool in January.

Manchester City and Chelsea are on alert after Sergio Aguero revealed he is leaving Atletico Madrid. The £40m-rated Argentine striker is also a target for Atletico's bitter rivals Real Madrid. the Sun

Manchester City to face Club America in San Francisco
FA Cup winner Manchester City is scheduled to face popular Mexican team Club America on July 16 at AT&T Park as part of the Herbalife World Football Challenge. The only Bay Area match of the summer exhibition will begin at 5 p.m.
Manchester City finished third in the English Premier League this season with 71 points to earn a berth in the upcoming UEFA Champions League. It will be the Citizens' first appearance in the prestigious competition in 43 years.
Club America finished sixth in the Mexican Primera Division and advanced to the quarterfinals of the Clausura playoffs before losing to Monarcas Morelia. Las Aguilas also lost in the round of 16 to Santos of Brazil in the Copa Libertadores.

RIP WAG OF THE DAY
PAGE 3 legend Suzanne Mizzi has died aged just 43 after losing her battle against cancer.
The blonde beauty was a massively popular pin-up during the Eighties and Nineties.
Her 34-24-34 figure set millions of hearts racing and she was insured for a staggering £11million at the height of her fame.
Husband and childhood sweetheart Frank Camilleri, a property developer, said last night: "Suzanne was a beautiful person inside and out.

"She was a Page 3 girl, model, celebrity, artist and interior designer. She had an amazing life. We were together for 30 years."
Legendary Page 3 photographer Beverley Goodway, whose pictures turned her into a star, said: "It is tremendously sad news.
"She was one of Page 3's most successful and best-loved models. She was exquisitely pretty, just gorgeous, with amazing eyes, and the readers loved her.
"She was a wonderful person and great fun to work with, always very professional, organised and determined.
"You could count on her to make a shoot work, come what may.
"It always made me smile to see her put on make-up before a shoot. She would concentrate so hard that she would frown in front of the mirror - but in front of the camera she just lit up.
"Frank was always with her and it was always obvious how much they were devoted to each other."
Suzanne, who leaves behind a seven-year-old son Geo and daughter Sienna, six, died on Sunday afternoon at St Joseph's hospice in Hackney, east London, near her home.
She had been battling ovarian cancer for more than a year.
Suzanne shot to fame in 1984 after posing on Page 3 at 17.
Within weeks she was getting more than £1,000 a time for personal appearances.

OTHER BOLLOX
Atletico Madrid goalkeeper David de Gea has decided to sign for Manchester United following the agreement of a £17m deal between the two clubs. GuillemBalague.com

Liverpool will step up their pursuit of Hamburg winger Eljero Elia this summer. talkSPORT

Heurelho Gomes's future at Tottenham is in further doubt after the goalkeeper reportedly told former club PSV Eindhoven he wants to rejoin them. Daily Mail

Arsene Wenger has dropped a major hint that he is ready to make a spectacular move for Karim Benzema. Wenger says a move for Real Madrid's French striker "doesn't seem impossible" even if it would represent a big change in transfer policy for the Arsenal manager. Daily Mirror

Arsenal and Liverpool are leading the chase to sign Lille's £10m-rated striker Gervinho. talkSPORT

Manchester United could be about to make a surprise swoop for Arsenal midfielder Samir Nasri. The Frenchman is out of contract at the end of next season and talks over a new deal have reportedly broken down. Metro

Manchester United have reportedly approached French club Lens with an offer for highly rated 18-year-old defender Raphael Varane. talkSPORT

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has opened the door for Cristiano Ronaldo to make a sensational return to Old Trafford. the Sun Ha ha ha what in 10 years as a coach

Newcastle have made an improved £10m bid for Lorient striker Kevin Gameiro. Valencia are Gameiro's preferred option, but Newcastle boss Alan Pardew hopes his latest offer will discourage the Spanish club. Daily Mail

Italian club Inter Milan are preparing a £15m bid for Arsenal's Cameroon midfielder Alex Song. Daily Star

Managerless Chelsea are ploughing ahead with a serious overhaul of the playing staff - with up to five players leaving and five more coming in. They are open to offers for Nicolas Anelka, who has one year to run on his current deal. Independent

Porto president Pinta da Costa is convinced Andre Villas-Boas would reject any approach from Chelsea offering him the chance to succeed Carlo Ancelotti at Stamford Bridge - despite the coach having a release clause of £13m. Daily Mail

Andrey Arshavin will train with Zenit St Petersburg as the Russian champions consider a bid for their former star. The Arsenal forward will return to his home city on Wednesday and join up with Zenit from Thursday to keep fit ahead of Russia's Euro 2012 qualifier against Armenia on Saturday week. Daily Mail

Mexican legend Hugo Sanchez is the shock name in the frame to be Barnsley's next manager - and is on the Oakwell short list. Sanchez, a goalscoring hero at Real Madrid and for his country, is chasing the post at the Yorkshire club as he is keen to come to England. Daily Mirror

Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed his side will not single out Barcelona's Lionel Messi in the Champions League final on Saturday. talkSPORT

Premier League clubs have been put on red alert after former Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill re-entered the job market. Daily Mail

Chelsea players tried to help former boss Carlo Ancelotti get over his sacking by taking him out partying in a trendy London nightclub. The Italian was given his marching orders after the Blues' defeat by Everton on the last day of the Premier League season. Metro

[bobby brows]

The Guardian's Rumour Mill - Sorry again Chinners :-)

Now that the novelty of the early years – the zingy diets, the elegant side parting, the Christopher Wrehs – has worn off, the Mill can't help but feel that its relationship with Arsène Wenger has descended into a beige-brown routine of 13-year-old Paraguayan right-backs, hissy fits on the sideline and massive title capitulations. And then the man surprises us with an extravagant gesture and we love him all over again. Get this: Wenger is thinking of signing an actual full-formed player who could be effective as soon as Arsenal buy him.

"Signing [Karim Benzema] does not seem impossible," says Wenger in the Sun and the Mirror. "He's a player that I like." Benzema only has a year left on his contract at Real Madrid and could leave for as little as £7m. Or whatever that is in euros. Around three euros we reckon.

Of course, Arsenal will need someone to do a few tricks before passing to Benzema so they'll offer Samir Nasri a new £90,000-a-week five-year contract, which should stop the likes of Manchester City, Bayern Munich, Internzaionale and Manchester United from signing the Frenchman. Of course, Arsenal will need to stop someone nicking the ball from Benzema and ballooning it horribly over the bar, so they'll get rid of Nicky Bendtner. And Andrey Arshavin, Denilson, Abou Diaby and Carlos Vela while they're at it.

Oh, and Inter want to sign Alex Song for £15m.

Do you want to read some quotes masquerading as a story about Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Manchester United? No? You're getting one anyway. "Sir Alex Ferguson told me he would take Ronaldo back tomorrow," says Marcello Lippi in today's Sun. "We both think he is an extraordinary striker who can start on either wing, or as the sole striker and perform brilliantly," added Lippi, using his years of management experience to tell us that Ronaldo is quite good at football.

Sergio Agüero can leave Atlético Madrid as long as he doesn't go to Real. "It would be an act of aggression if Madrid paid the £40m get-out clause," said the Atlético president, Enrique Cerezo, as José Mourinho strode across the Spanish capital with a baseball bat and a wheelbarrow of cash, "but, if another team comes and pays, it would not be an act of aggression," he added, as Chelsea and Manchester City sent some flowers, nice bath lotion and a wheelbarrow of cash to Spain.

Flora Talinn, Borac Banja Luka and Barcelona are all on high-alert after Roberto Martínez said Charles N'Zogbia can only leave Wigan for a club offering Champions League football. "If they can't offer him a better project than ours, I'm not going to sell," said Martinez. "My project at the moment is on Outer Space and I have done all the planets in the solar system. Mercury is my favourite one because it is dead hot. Miss says it is the best project in the whole of Year Four," he didn't add.

Blackpool have seen the last of David Vaughan. He's off to Sunderland. The Black Cats will follow that up with a £7m swoop for West Ham's Demba Ba: "My job is to knock on the owner's door again and keep improving us," said Steve Bruce. One out of two ain't bad, eh Steve?

The latest managers to want his slice of Scott Parker is Harry Redknapp. He'll offer £5m for the midfielder and will sell Jermaine Jenas to QPR to fund the move. Heurelho Gomes looks like he'll be off too: his former club PSV Eindhoven are ready to welcome him into their loving embrace. He'll be replaced by Birmingham City's Ben Foster, who is also attracting interest from West Brom.

Ruud van Nistelrooy claims Spurs and Blackburn want to sign him. But if Ruud is worried that he'll miss out on boozed up Englishmen roaring abuse at him he needn't worry if those two deals fall through: Malaga are also interested.

Carlton Cole will move to Stoke or Newcastle.

That is all.

[Tony P]

The Chelsea owner appears to view Carlos Tévez as exactly the right man to bring the best out of the misfiring Spaniard

Yeah, cos he works so well with another striker.

[Chinners]

The Chelsea owner appears to view Carlos Tévez as exactly the right man to bring the best out of the misfiring Spaniard

Yeah, cos he works so well with another striker.

Indeed and it would appear to be a tad weird paying a player record transfer fee to bring out the best in a record transfer fee signing ...

[Florida Blue]

The Chelsea owner appears to view Carlos Tévez as exactly the right man to bring the best out of the misfiring Spaniard

Yeah, cos he works so well with another striker.

Indeed and it would appear to be a tad weird paying a player record transfer fee to bring out the best in a record transfer fee signing ...

In fairness London is much closer to Argentina than Manchester is. Easily saves time on a flight home, at least 2 hours since you can get a direct flight, right?

[Fesan]

The Chelsea owner appears to view Carlos Tévez as exactly the right man to bring the best out of the misfiring Spaniard

Yeah, cos he works so well with another striker.

Indeed and it would appear to be a tad weird paying a player record transfer fee to bring out the best in a record transfer fee signing ...

In fairness London is much closer to Argentina than Manchester is. Easily saves time on a flight home, at least 2 hours since you can get a direct flight, right?

Atleast it is closer than Italy or Spain:P

[ashton287]

However, it seems Real president Florentino Perez turned down the offer for a player who’s buy-out clause is €1 billion.

HAHAHAHAHA yeahhhh okkkkk, i bet that definitely happened aswell.

Can't wait to hear a rag come out with this one.