Thursday's B*ll*x (updated)

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Thursday's B*ll*x (updated)

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:07 am

JAMES MILNER has vowed to prove that he is good enough to earn a place in Manchester City’s all-star team.
An unconvincing first season with Manchester City failed to reassure fans he was worth the £26million fee that secured his services from Aston Villa.
After being a regular in the first half of the campaign, James Milner was reduced to a bit-part player at the business end of the season, when he was disappointed to be an unused substitute in the FA Cup semi-final and final wins over Manchester United and Stoke respectively.
But Milner does not regret leaving Villa, has dismissed rumours he could move on and is happy to fight for his place, especially as City are launching a first Champions League campaign.
“It’s a big season for me,” said Milner. “You come to a new club and it takes time to find your bearings. But now I want to get a foothold in the team and prove to people that I’m good enough to be here and in the team regularly.
“Winning silverware is the only reason why I came here. We did that last season and that showed it was the right move for me. At the end of your career you look back and you want to see a trophy cabinet full of winners’ medals.
“You want to be able to tell people, ‘I’ve won this, this and this’. That’s what drives me on. That’s what I feel I can achieve at this club. I want to be the best player I can and win trophies.”
Milner believes his best position is in midfield but he is up against players such as Nigel de Jong, Gareth Barry, Yaya Toure and David Silva in that department while, on the flanks, Adam Johnson and Shaun Wright-Phillips offer stiff competition, with Mario Balotelli also a wide-man option . Milner said: “It is tough to get in the team but that’s what happens when you’re at a top club like this. You want to be pushed as a player, you want to improve .
“When you have two or three top-class players in each position it’s good for everyone. It is good for the club, the manager and the players because it really challenges you.
“It will make me a better player watching these guys play and train. You know you have to play well and train well if you’re going to get a shirt on the Saturday.”
Milner is excited by Champions League football and believes City can make an impact.
He said: “A lot of the lads here have played in the Champions League before, even if we haven’t as a unit, so we’ll be looking to learn quickly and make a real impact. It’s going to be a real challenge and one we’re really looking forward to. We’re going to be playing top teams every week, there will be a lot of games, a lot of competitions. But the squad we have here is big enough to do well in all of those.
“I’ve never played in it before. I missed out on it at Leeds by a couple of years. I’ve played UEFA Cup/Europa League at Leeds, Newcastle, Villa and City. I’ve got to the quarter-finals of those competitions, but this is a real step up. It’s going to be a great experience.
“You want to play for your country and the top competitions – and that obviously means the Champions League.”
Milner believes that Sir Alex Ferguson is right to be wary of City’s emerging title threat after they finished level on points with Chelsea last season.
“Yes, it’s a boost to hear that,” said Milner. “You hear positive and negative things said about you , but we’ll get on with our job. We know we have to improve as a club and a team but we think we can carry on moving forward.
“You look to improve every year and we did that last year. Now we’ll be looking to do that again. Finishing third was a very good season for us and also winning the FA Cup.
“But now we’ll be looking to top that, so a natural progression would be to finish second and really push hard for the title. We think it could be a possibility.”
JAMES Milner was speaking in Los Angeles, where City have announced plans to create a state-of-the-art football facility to serve local children.

Kompany: We'll cope either way
Captain-in-waiting Vincent Kompany claims Manchester City will be stronger this season - with or without talisman Carlos Tevez.
The Blues are still no closer to knowing whether they will begin the 2011/12 campaign with their talismanic Argentine striker in the side or not.
Tevez is pushing for a move away from the Etihad Stadium and has already seen a proposed £40million return to former employers Corinthians collapse.
Unless a big-spending European club is prepared to meet City's increased £50million valuation, there is a chance the South American frontman could be forced to stay at City.
His presence would certainly aid the club's cause, as they attempt to build on last season's FA Cup and top-four heroics, but Kompany insists Roberto Mancini's Blues are no one-man team.
The Belgian centre-half said in The Sun: "Until there is an actual signature and it is confirmed he is not a Manchester City player any more, I do not have to comment about Carlos.
"What I do know is that the group will be stronger next season, with or without him.
"Whether he stays or goes, it won't change what we want to achieve. The goals remain the same.
"We've had great players here who have moved on.
"With them it's great but without them we find a solution."
Regardless of whether Tevez stays or goes, it is widely expected that Mancini will opt to hand the captain's armband to Kompany this season, and he admits he would be honoured to lead the club into an historic campaign - as they prepare to enter the UEFA Champions League.
He added: "It would be a big honour for me. But until I hear differently, Carlos remains the captain.
"Whenever I've been captain, it has always been a great honour. Yet it doesn't change my role in the team.
"You don't have to wear the armband to be a captain."

WIGAN have lined up Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to replace Charles N’Zogbia.
Aston Villa are hoping to sign £10million-rated N’Zogbia after having an opening bid of £9m rejected. Express

Tevez poser for Mancini
Manchester City's failure to conclude a £40million deal to sell striker Carlos Tevez to Brazilian club Corinthians now poses a problem for manager Roberto Mancini.
The move back to South America appeared to be the best solution for all involved as the Argentina international is desperate to be nearer his family.
City wanted to tie things up quickly to ensure the situation did not drag on into August and the prospect of selling the 27-year-old to a club so far removed from being a rival was an added bonus. However, finalising a deal with Corinthians proved problematic with City left frustrated that the Brazilians did not conclude a deal they thought had been agreed.
While Tevez's agent Kia Joorabchian has played down speculation Corinthians' inability to provide a bank guarantee for the vast sum of money had been at the centre of problems, Press Association Sport understands City have proof of four such requests.
The Eastlands club is also understood to have proof of an agreement as the Brazilian side had wanted it, although that seems to be of little value now that City have been left to deal with a saga that is set to run at least through to next month.
That may also impact on Mancini's plans to bring in Tevez's replacement, compatriot Sergio Aguero from Atletico Madrid. Corinthians have suggested they will return in January but that may be too long a period for both player and club.
"We are aware of the dream our fans had of having this player at Corinthians again and we look forward to him being with us in the near future," said the Brazilian club in a statement.
For his part, Tevez's advisor Kia Joorabchian on Wednesday night insisted the player would "respect" Manchester City for as long as he remained their player.
"There was a concrete offer on the table, and it was very close to being negotiated and agreed, but unfortunately it didn't go through," Joorabchian said. "There's not really any speculation from our standpoint (on what happens next).
"He's still a City player and he will respect that. We will keep it like that until there's something else concrete on the table."

Man City rule out Tevez-Sneijder swap deal
Manchester City have ruled out a possible swap deal between Carlos Tevez and Inter Milan star Wesley Sneijder.
Sources close to Eastlands have told talkSPORT manager Roberto Mancini has no interest in signing the Dutchman, either with or without Tevez moving in the opposite direction.
The deal to take Tevez back to Corinthians collapsed on Wednesday morning, with the Brazilian club claiming the deal with far too big to be concluded before Wednesday night's transfer deadline.
Questions remain whether Mancini will still bid for Atletico Madrid striker Sergio Aguero. The Spanish side have recruited Deportivo La Coruna hitman Adrian Lopez to take the Argentines place.
Sneijder, meanwhile, still has his heart set on a move to Manchester United with work still going on behind the scenes to conclude the deal, despite Sir Alex Ferguson claiming the Red Devils have “no real interest” in the Inter Milan star.

De Rossi contract hitch alerts Prem duo
Roma midfielder Daniele De Rossi has put Chelsea and Manchester City on red alert by stalling on a new contract.
The Italy international is entering the final year of his contract, and Roma director Walter Sabattini has admitted they may have to sell.
It may all end with De Rossi leaving the Serie A giants on the comparitive cheap, for a fee of less than £15million.
That could interest Chelsea and City, if they do not want to wait until he becomes a free agent.
Chelsea are looking to bolster their midfield after losing Michael Essien for six months with a knee injury.
England midfielder Scott Parker is also on their hit-list, depending on whether West Ham are willing to loan him out or want a permanent deal.
City also want to strengthen in midfield and De Rossi would be a glamorous signing.
But new Roma boss Luis Enrique insists he wants to keep the 27-year-old.
"He is very important for my plans and it would be impossible to find a replacement for him in the current market," he said.

Mirko Vucinic lined up as Tottenham alternative to Emmanuel Adebayor
Tottenham will swoop for Roma striker Mirko Vucinic if they cannot thrash out a deal with Manchester City to sign Emmanuel Adebayor.
City would rather sell Adebayor than loan him out again, and with the striker’s wage demands likely to scupper any deal anyway, Spurs have now turned their attentions to Montenegrin Vucinic.
The Roma forward has fallen out of favour with the club's fans, and despite the Giallorossi’s desire to keep him, Spurs are still trying to strike a £15million deal with the Serie A giants.
Vucinic managed just 10 goals in the league last season, and has since asked to leave after his attitude and body language came in for heavy criticism from the clubs’ supporters.
But despite doubts over the 27-year-old’s temperament, Harry Redknapp still sees the talented front man as an improvement on his current strike force and is confident of turning his form around.

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OTHER BOLLOX
Southampton could be ready to sell striker and Arsenal target Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain - but only for £12m-plus. Daily Mirror

Arsenal will make a £10m offer for Birmingham defender Scott Dann after becoming increasingly frustrated over Bolton's demands for Gary Cahill. caughtoffside.com

Liverpool are tracking Hamburg's Marcell Jansen as manager Kenny Dalglish looks to bring in a new first-choice left-back after one of the players used in that role last season, Paul Konchesky, joined Leicester last week. caughtoffside.com

Liverpool midfielder Alberto Aquilani could be on his way to Italian outfit Fiorentina. the Sun

Liverpool are also close to sealing a deal for Mexican striker Marco Bueno - the player dubbed 'the new Javier Hernandez'. The 17-year-old will have a 10-day trial at Liverpool's Melwood training ground, where boss Dalglish will have the final say. Hernandez is the Mexican forward who has made an impact at Manchester United. Metro

Chelsea and Everton are locked in a battle to sign Marseille midfielder Lucho Gonzalez, who is set to leave the French club this summer. talkSHIT

Winger Matt Taylor has flown home from Bolton's pre-season tour of the United States to talk to West Ham about a move. The Trotters are believed to have accepted a bid from the Hammers worth an initial £2.2m. the Guardian

West Brom have held talks with former Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves over a possible pay-as-you-play deal. the Sun

Newcastle United are back in the hunt for Paris St Germain striker Mevlut Erdinc. the Sun

Arsenal manager Arsenal Wenger is coming under pressure from the Gunners board to start spending at the Emirates. the Sun

Newcastle plan to restrict the sale of tickets for away matches to season ticket holders and members only in the future following a pitch invasion during last week's friendly match with Darlington. Daily Mail

FC Copenhagen's centre back, Mathias 'Zanka' Jørgensen was watched by West Ham last night with a view to an offer for the promising youngster. Footie

Wigan midfielder Charles N'Zogbia is to go on strike by refusing to train as his frustration boils over following the rejection of a £9m bid from Aston Villa. Daily Telegraph

Aston Villa striker Darren Bent has no hard feelings after England team-mates Ashley Young and Stewart Downing left the club this summer. He said: "I wish them all the best and I hope they go on to achieve great things." Daily Express

YES Legend and Blue, Rick Wakeman to hold Q&A with mancityfans.net
http://www.mancityfans.net/mcfnet/viewt ... 21&t=39399
Last edited by Chinners on Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:00 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:20 am

BOLLOX BOLLOX
Workman arrested over ‘Manchester United memorabilia buried under Manchester City store’
A man has been arrested on suspicion of blackmailing Manchester City Football Club over United memorabilia allegedly buried beneath a Blues merchandise store.
Neil Gordon, 37, who is believed to work as a floor fitter, was held after officials called in police.
Club bosses made a complaint of blackmail after claiming to have received a telephone call and a series of emails.
A demand of £3,000 was allegedly made to keep the story – and pictures – from the media.
The club was told that receipt of the payment would ensure the removal of memorabilia allegedly buried beneath floor tiles at the £1m City Store on Market Street in Manchester city centre.
It was also alleged that a ‘treasure hunt’ for United fans to locate the items had been organised over the internet.
Mr Gordon was arrested after police swooped on his home on Holstein Avenue in the Healey area of Rochdale.
He was held in police custody for questioning for almost 24 hours but was released on police bail pending further investigations. No charges have been brought. It is not known if any memorabilia has actually been placed under the floor tiles.
The M.E.N. understands that the club has no immediate plans to physically investigate the claims. But an internal inquiry into the issue is under way at the recently renamed Etihad Stadium.
In a statement, Manchester City said: "We are aware of the circumstances and are unable to comment while an internal and police investigation is under way."
A police spokesman said: "A 37-year-old man from Rochdale was arrested on suspicion of blackmail. He was questioned in police custody and has been released on police bail pending further investigation until July 21."
The City Store on Market Street was opened by Blues boss Roberto Mancini last November.
Mr Gordon declined to comment when contacted by the M.E.N.

MCF.NET THREAD: viewtopic.php?f=119&t=39407
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby craigmcfc » Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:58 am

C- today Chinners for the failed WAG attempt
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:06 am

craigmcfc wrote:C- today Chinners for the failed WAG attempt


Good spot ... totally missed that error ....
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby craigmcfc » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:07 am

Chinners wrote:
craigmcfc wrote:C- today Chinners for the failed WAG attempt


Good spot ... totally missed that error ....


Christ she was worth the wait though wasn't she?
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Niall Quinns Discopants » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:08 am

Chinners wrote:
craigmcfc wrote:C- today Chinners for the failed WAG attempt


Good spot ... totally missed that error ....


A+ for the WAG though. That's what I'm talking about.
Sometimes we're good and sometimes we're bad but when we're good, at least we're much better than we used to be and when we are bad we're just as bad as we always used to be, so that's got to be good hasn't it?


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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Goaters 103 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:18 am

Top Wag Chinners. Tbh I now scan through the bollox and go straight to the Wag.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby craigmcfc » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:19 am

Goaters 103 wrote:Top Wag Chinners. Tbh I now scan through the bollox and go straight to the Wag.


Do you live in a cave too?
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:39 am

Goaters 103 wrote:Top Wag Chinners. Tbh I now scan through the bollox and go straight to the Wag.


Doesn't everyone?
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby ant london » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:50 am

christ on a bike....who is she??
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby freshie » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:58 am

Wow. You've outdone yourself with that wag mate. Who is the lovely lady?
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Goaters 103 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:59 am

Chinners wrote:
Goaters 103 wrote:Top Wag Chinners. Tbh I now scan through the bollox and go straight to the Wag.


Doesn't everyone?


Ha ha! Saved me a comeback .... oops. Back to my cave.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby craigmcfc » Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:03 am

The fine lady in question is Alessia Ventura, Filippo Inzaghis' wife

In view of all the attention I've created a homage in Off Topic
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby The Foggy Blue » Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:34 am

I'd climb on to that WAG any day of the week.


Sorry.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Duckman » Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:52 am

craigmcfc wrote:The fine lady in question is Alessia Ventura, Filippo Inzaghis' wife

In view of all the attention I've created a homage in Off Topic


no wonder he's offside all the time )
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Slim » Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:26 pm

As it's complete bollox, I would like to add that Nasri did not sign on Wednesday for £21M, tolmie the all wise and knowing seer should go back to vague cryptic picture games that he can later claim were any one of a dozen players.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby bobby brows » Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:01 pm

Thursday's Rumour Mill

This whole Wesley Sneijder business has become too complicated, or too costly, or just too damn boring, so Manchester United have decided to direct their search of ingenuity elsewhere: the man they now want is younger than Sneijder, cheaper than Sneijder and better at making up his mind than Sneijder ... OK, that doesn't narrow it down too much .... so we might as well reveal that it's Christian Eriksen, the 19–year-old brains behind Ajax's Dutch title triumph last season. Sir Alex Ferguson reckons that the lad who was born in a town called Middelfart could make a big bang at Old Trafford.


Chelsea have ogled Eriksen too but ultimately decided that they want someone more experienced: so they're looking to liberate the Argentinian maestro Lucho González from Marseille. Lucho was superb two seasons ago but suffered an alarming drop in form last term, which some folks reckon was at least partially due to being badly shaken up after he and his family were held at gun point by robbers who broke into his homes. He wants away from Marseille, but a word of advice to the Stamford Bridge security staff: if he signs for Chelsea, tell Ashley not to bring his gun to training.


Everton are also hopeful of signing Lucho. Yes, Everton is on Merseyside. What's your point?


Arsenal need a centre back. Is that news? Oh. Well after scouring the globe Arsène Wenger has worked out that the man he needs is ... Birmingham's Scott Dann. And he'll pay up to £10m to get him.


The simple task of proving to be a more popular left-back for Liverpool than Paul Konchesky will be assigned to Hamburg's Marcell Jansen. Daniel Ayala's days at Anfield may be numbered – well, they're definitely numbered, as are everyone's, but his number is quite small: because Mick McCarthy, who is determined to patch up Wolves' rickety defence, wants to take him to Molineux to partner Roger Johnson.


Despite being in South Africa Harry Redknapp will probably manage to roll down his car window outside Tottenham's training ground in Chigwell today to talk to Sky Sports News, and he may or may not tell them that Roma striker Mirko Vucinic is a top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top top (oh come on, someone had to do it) player. Then again, he's also keen on the Internacional striker Leandro Damião.


The Internazionale midfielder McDonald Maringa is the focus of a Mcflurry of activity as both West Brom and Aston Villa want to order him. Roy Hodgson is also considering offering Owen Hargreaves a contract.


The QPR tease Adel Taarabt has reportedly told France Football that going to Paris Saint-Germain might be "an interesting challenge". So trying to keep QPR in the Premier League when you're their only decent attacking player isn't challenging enough?


Newcastle want to go to PSG too, but only to given them £7m in return for their striker Mevlut Erding.


They're tried to resist it, but Stoke and Peter Crouch are finally learning to accept what every computerised dating agency in the world has been telling them for years: they are a perfect match.


And finally, Bolton are trying to resolve the riddle as to why no team can find room to fit the smallest player in the world. Shaun Wright-Phillips' future could be sorted.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 5:35 pm

EVENING BOLLOX
Mata happy with Valencia
Spain international plays down talk of summer switch
Valencia forward Juan Mata has again insisted he is happy to remain at the Mestalla and has distanced himself from a Premier League switch this summer.
The Spain international, who was part of Vicente del Bosque's World Cup-winning squad last year and led the Under 21 side to glory in the European Championship earlier this summer, has repeatedly claimed to be content with his current club.
But transfer speculation has continued regardless and the player has been linked with the likes of Arsenal, Liverpool, Manchester City and Tottenham this summer.
Coach Unai Emery admitted that Valencia may sell if a big team comes in with an attractive offer.
But Mata says he is focused on his current club and told Marca: "I have never said I want to leave.
"From here to August 31, if there are any offers then the first to know about it will be the club. I never said I wasn't happy here.
"There's no point speaking about suppositions. I like to talk about realities. I am very relaxed because if there is anything, the club will assess it.
Mata claims he is used to dealing with transfer talk, in any case, having been tipped to move to Barcelona during last summer's World Cup and then heavily linked with several sides during the recent Euros.
"For me, isolating myself is no problem," he said. "I already went through it at the World Cup and at the European Under 21 Championship.
"I know the boss said something (about the possibility of me leaving), but I am not aware of any offer having arrived."

Pablo Zabaleta close to extending stay with Man City
Manchester City are close to securing the future of Pablo Zabaleta after the versatile Argentina international verbally agreed to extend his contract with the Premier League club.
A key member of Roberto Mancini's squad, the defender was the subject of an €7 million (Dh36.8m) offer from Roma last week and had also attracted the interest of Qatar-funded Primera Liga club Malaga.
City have promised to improve Zabaleta's salary and lengthen his contract by one year until 2015. The 26-year-old is happy with the terms on offer and the new deal is expected to be formalised within the week.
Capable of playing on either side of the defence or as a holding midfielder, Zabaleta was a consistent starter last season as City qualified for the Champions League for the first time in their history and win the club's first silverware in 35 years, the FA Cup.
In total he made 45 appearances for Mancini.
The Italian manager will continue to push for further signings in addition to the Arsenal left-back Gael Clichy and the Montenegro centre-back Stefan Savic.
An approach to sign Sergio Aguero from Atletico Madrid has been accelerated regardless of the withdrawal of Corinthians €44m offer for Carlos Tevez.
City had acceded to the unusual schedule of payments proposed by the Brazilian club; one which would have seen the initial €10m instalment on the Tevez fee delayed until May 2012.
Corinthians, however, were unhappy with City's request that they provide a bank guarantee that the full sum would ultimately be paid, and pulled out of the transfer.
Yesterday, Tevez's agent claimed that the bank guarantees were not responsible for the deal fizzling out.
"To say that Corinthians could not provide guarantees for the money is nonsense," said Kia Joorabchian.
"Firstly, they are the biggest club in Brazil. Secondly, any club that makes an offer and cannot pay will get suspended by Fifa and have points deducted.
"This deal was always going to be difficult because of the timing. In the end, this came down to small details, to haggling over a relatively small amount of money, and it couldn't be done in time."
Joorabchian, who has a history of causing difficulties for City, said that he expected other clubs to come in for the unsettled Tevez: "He wants to leave but is still a City player at the moment and we will of course respect that."
"This is Carlos Tevez we are talking about, one of the best players in the world. We are not overly worried. We've just got to wait and see who comes in next for him."

Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know That I Was Born To Ride!”
Ciao, everyone! You’re probably wondering what Mario Balotelli did for His first summer in England. Well, it was indeed very interesting.
After all the attention and bad press that Mario Balotelli received over the course of the year, His Personal Assistant and His Personal Assistant’s partner, Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person, suggested that “some peace and quiet might be in order” and that Mario Balotelli should “get away from it all” to contemplate what it is to be Mario Balotelli, away from the “prying eyes of the Public and the Paparazzi.”
They showed Mario Balotelli brochures of the Lake District and gushed about all the Hiking Trails, the Bed & Breakfasts and the Beautiful Scenery. Mario Balotelli had never heard of any of these things before but the B&B’s sounded intriguing. Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person rolled their eyes and tutted, though, when Mario Balotelli asked if another B could be added: Bed, Babe & Breakfast. Then they looked in each other’s eyes, started giggling and made Kissy Faces. Mario Balotelli hates it when they make Kissy Faces.
Still, Mario Balotelli did as they suggested and spent His holiday in the Lakes District. The Paparazzi stopped following Mario Balotelli after the second day when they realised that all Mario Balotelli was going to do was walk around the villages, water and woods with His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person following behind, holding hands.
On the third day, Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant confiscated His iPhone4 because Mario Balotelli was playing Angry Birds in the Beatrix Potter Gallery with the volume on full. On the fourth day, Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person took away His Thunderbolt Droid phone and Nintendo 3D-S because Super Mario was disturbing the tour guide in Wordsworth House. That night, they searched Mario Balotelli’s room together and found Mario Balotelli’s Evo 3D, Galaxy S and Nexus S Droids, His iPad2, MacBook Air, Spare iPod and, worst of all, His Beats by Dre headphones. Mario Balotelli feels naked without Beats by Dre headphones hanging around His neck, cord dangling down to His Ed Hardy saggers. How did they know Mario Balotelli would hide everything in His five-fingered hat?!
So, Mario Balotelli walked around the villages, water and woods for three and a half weeks with only His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person for company. In the villages, Mario Balotelli saw thatched roofs and cobblestone streets, castles and moats, antique furniture and antique people. In the water and woods, Mario Balotelli saw squirrels and rabbits, songbirds and waterfowl and, on the last day, a fawn with her mother, just like Bambi! The deer were beautiful but Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person squealed with uncontrollable delight when the mother and child stepped out of the brush, so loudly that they turned and ran right back in. Mario Balotelli was so sad.
When Mario Balotelli came back from His holiday, He thought long and hard about whether He would like to do it again. It was certainly relaxing but there is only so much peace and quiet Mario Balotelli can take. After all, Mario Balotelli wears the latest fashions, diamond studded earrings and a mohawk. Mario Balotelli drives a gleaming white Mercedes S class convertible while touring Women’s Prisons. Mario Balotelli needs to be noticed and to have people making noise all around Him, otherwise He is not Mario Balotelli.
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Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person says the people making noise are just sycophants but Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant refused to look up the word in his dictionary.
Still, Mario Balotelli was very happy to have all His gear back and only lightly scolded His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person for taking it. It was good to get on Facebook and Twitter again, even if Rio Ferdinand had finally given up crying about the FA Cup, after some journalists started to make fun of his English. Now he knows how it feels to be Mario Balotelli.
Mario Balotelli also found out that whilst He was on retreat, Google+ came out, which Mario Balotelli hears is way better than Facebook. This made Mario Balotelli realise that he needed to take a firmer hand. So, Mario Balotelli scolded His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person again. They made some noises about liking the mild-mannered Lakes District Mario Balotelli better but Mario Balotelli could see in their eyes that they were glad to have the loud and proud Mario Balotelli back. It gave them so much to tweet their friends about.
So, Mario Balotelli went online to find out how to make up for lost time. There had to be a way to be louder and prouder than ever before and soon Mario Balotelli found it. Mario Balotelli told His Personal Assistant to go out and buy him a Hog. It would be perfect! A Hog was loud, proud and looked nothing like Mario Balotelli’s Gleaming White Mercedes, which wardens all across Europe now know by sight. Mario Balotelli couldn’t wait to ride it!
However, Mario Balotelli’s Personal assistant came back with a small black pig that he said was Vietnamese. It was cute in a very ugly way, scurrying about Mario Balotelli’s penthouse flat, making small grunting noises and sticking its funny nose into everything. Mario Balotelli decided to keep it and name it Charlie, after Mario Balotelli’s teammate and captain, Tevez, although it is difficult to decide who is uglier. Then Mario Balotelli explained to His Personal Assistant just what he meant by a Hog.
The next day, Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant returned with a monstrous American Motorcycle. It was long and black, with shining chrome everywhere. Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person came in with all sorts of leather jackets, riding boots and gloves, vintage goggles and a helmet, which Mario Balotelli didn’t like because it messes up His Mohawk.
The Hog was much louder than the little pig, going BRAAWWWWP, BRAWWWWWP, BRAWWWWWWWWWP, whenever Mario Balotelli let loose the throttle.
But Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person had bad news. He said that before Mario Balotelli takes the Hog out of the garage, He has to get permission from Mancini.
Mancini never gives Mario Balotelli permission for anything, so Mario Balotelli asked why He couldn’t just ride the Hog without telling Mancini. Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person reminded Mario Balotelli of all the tickets He has from driving His gleaming white Mercedes S class and said it was because of Insurance.
Stupid Insurance!
When Mario Balotelli went to the club to ask Mancini for permission to ride the Hog, Mr. Cook and Patrick-something were in Mancini’s office. Patrick-something was wearing a suit, instead of a kit, and Mancini said he had retired. Now he was working in “an executive capacity,” which Mario Balotelli later found out meant that his cot was in Mr. Cook’s office instead of Mancini’s.
They all laughed, though, when Mario Balotelli asked to ride the Hog. They laughed for almost ten minutes and made almost as much noise as the Hog before Mancini finally came up for air from behind his desk and said absolutely not. Mancini said Mario Balotelli was banned from ever riding it. Mancini said Mario Balotelli couldn’t even sit on it and make vroom vroom noises with His voice.
Mr. Cook said that Mario Balotelli could keep all the leather outfits, though, even the helmet, which was a small consolation. Then, he took Patrick-something and said he was going to the executive water closet.
Mancini looked after them thoughtfully, came out from behind his desk and, with an arm around Mario Balotelli, apologised for what he said were the obligations of being a footballer but which Mario Balotelli understood to mean that Mario Balotelli wasn’t allowed to have fun. Then he said maybe Mario Balotelli might want to give the Hog to Patrick-something as a retirement gift. He said all the players had given him something, except for Boateng, whom the club had then sold to Bayern for his insensitivity.
Mario Balotelli said He would think about it, then looked around and asked where Charlie Tevez was. Mario Balotelli wanted to invite him to His penthouse flat to meet his namesake. Mancini looked very sad. He said Charlie was homesick and may not come back to the club. For a moment, Mario Balotelli panicked. Mario Balotelli thought the news meant that He would have to play more, but Mancini laughed and said no, they would buy someone named Canoe Aguero, who was an even better Argentine than Charlie.
Mario Balotelli was relieved and is happy that the club can cope without Charlie but He will miss him. Charlie gave Mario Balotelli a new set of darts every time Mancini or Patrick-something confiscated His old ones. Now Mario Balotelli will have to get His Personal Assistant to buy new darts and he only shops for the velcro sort which are safe to throw at youth players.
And that is how Mario Balotelli spent His summer. Now, you have to get out because Mario Balotelli has to find another way to be loud and proud once he gives his Hog to Patrick-something. There has to be something fun to do that Insurance won’t care about. Maybe jet skiing, or mountain climbing, or snowboarding, or…. !

Former Manchester City player Javan Vidal kicked woman
Javan Vidal has won two England under-20 caps A former Manchester City defender was seen on CCTV repeatedly knocking over and kicking a woman, a court has heard.
A judge told Javan Vidal, 22, he should be "thoroughly ashamed" after behaving "like a drunken yob" in Rhyl, Denbighshire.
Vidal, of Stretford, Manchester, admitted affray and received a 30-week suspended jail sentence.
Mold Crown Court heard there had been provocation as CCTV showed Amy Temple, 22, of Rhyl, butting him.
Judge Niclas Parry told Vidal, who has played twice for England under-20s, that but for his impeccable character he would be going to prison, which would possibly ruin his future.
Judge Parry said he would not award any compensation to Temple, who has admitted affray, and a warrant was issued for her arrest when she failed to turn up in court.
Judge Niclas Parry
Vidal, who was recently released from his contract with the Premier League side, was currently looking for a new club, the court heard.
He was also ordered to pay £340 costs.
Vidal, who also played on loan with Chesterfield, Grimsby Town, Aberdeen and Derby County, cried with relief when he walked free from court, but declined to comment.
Gareth Preston, prosecuting, said the incident happened at 03:50 BST on 30 May outside the Godfather kebab shop.
Another man allegedly made a remark to Temple, who had been drinking.
She butted Vidal, who then threw her to the ground and as other men tried to drag him away he followed her down the street, knocked her to the ground several times and kicked her.
At one stage Vidal appeared to try to push her into the path of a taxi but the driver avoided her.
Temple had been taken to a taxi rank and a taxi driver drove her away - with Vidal chasing after the vehicle and attempting to kick at it, said Mr Preston.
Police officers arrived and arrested him.
'Out of character'
In court, Judge Parry told him: "You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.
"A so-called athlete, a professional footballer who has been with one of this country's leading clubs, you behaved like a drunken yob."
The judge added: "There was provocation here, there is no doubt about that. You were not looking for trouble. She was.
"Trouble found you, you acted out of character, you pleaded guilty."
Paul Bryning, defending, said his client had recently been discharged from his contract with Manchester City and he had no income until he found a new signing.
The judge gave him three months to pay the costs which he said would give him time to sort his future out.
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x

Postby Ted Hughes » Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:23 pm

What kind of up their own arse, sad, useless fucking excuse for a journalist wrote that pile of abject fucking shite about Balotelli?

These people think they're being smart & witty making up this complete tripe about various City related subjects, yet all they're doing is showing themselves up to be totally devoid of any journalistic or comedic talent whatsoever.

If it was funny or witty I'd be laughing, irresepective of whether it's about City or not. The problem is, it's not funny, clever or entertaining; it's utter unadulterated shite. Almost as if it's written by a former shaggee who is twisted & jealous, trying to disguise it as humour.

Pathetic. Get a fucking job you useless cunt.
The pissartist formerly known as Ted

VIVA EL CITY !!!

Some take the bible for what it's worth.. when they say that the rags shall inherit the Earth...
Well I heard that the Sheikh... bought Carlos Tevez this week...& you fuckers aint gettin' nothin..
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Re: Thursday's B*ll*x (updated)

Postby Chinners » Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:01 pm

Ted, it ain't called the Bollox thread for nothing ;)
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