Wednesday's B*ll*x (updated)

[Chinners]

Mario Balotelli subjected to rotting fish in Maserati prank by Man City boys
Mario Balotelli's Manchester City team-mates gave the prank-loving striker a distinctly fishy taste of his own medicine by planting a bag filled with kippers behind the front seat of his fancy Maserati. He discovered it a fortnight later...
The controversy-courting Italian's own ire-inducing antics during the year have included throwing darts at youth team players because he was 'bored'; winding up midfielder Yaya Toure on the team's Carrington training ground - not to mention the £10,000 of parking fines that prompted manager Roberto Mancini to throw a suitcase at him.
But now his City team-mates have got their own back on the 20-year-old before they headed across the Atlantic on a two-week tour, with the kippers creating a right stench in his plush set of wheels. A mole told The Sun that, upon returning to England last week and discovering what had happened, Balotelli 'had his head in his hands'.
'The smell really made him sick. It was revolting,' said the source.
'There were flies in the car and the leather seats in the back had rotting fish all over them.'
Balotelli's pricey white motor is expected to be an insurance write-off because of the fishy stench of its upholstery, but the striker is already plotting his revenge, apparently.
'He has absolutely no idea who is responsible as he has wound up so many of his team-mates over the past year,' the insider added.
'It won't put an end to the pranks, though. He's already formulating more plans.'

City want to swap Adebayor for Aaron Lennon
Manchester City are trying to sign Tottenham’s England flier Aaron Lennon in a sensational swap deal for Emmanuel Adebayor.
City chief Roberto Mancini wants a wide man and is interested in little speedster Lennon - and Harry Redknapp may be willing to do business if he can get striker Adebayor out of the deal.
Potters plot ambitious £16m double deal for Spurs duo
High-level talks between City and Spurs have begun and one of the biggest but hardest exchanges of the summer could see both move in the next few days.
Redknapp wants former Gunner Adebayor but faces the problem of getting the Togo international to join within his pay ceiling.
However City and Spurs are looking into ways of crunching the numbers to help Mancini and Redknapp get the players they want - and also leave both sides happy with the figures.
Mancini has admitted he wants a winger to open up defences and Lennon has surprisingly come into view. His move for Arsenal’s Samir Nasri is proving difficult because of Arsene Wenger’s reluctance to sell.
Lennon may be available at Spurs where he had a hit-and-miss season. Redknapp is a renowned transfer gambler and may do the deal if Adebayor is part of it.
Real Madrid have distanced themselves from the striker in recent days and Mancini wants an answer soon on the player’s future as he is still determined to spend again - and he wants rid of Adebayor.

SO IT BEGINS BOLLOX
WEMBLEY LOSES APPEAL TO MANCHESTER CITY
MANCHESTER City already seem to be getting Wembley apathy, after struggling to sell their tickets for Sunday’s FA Community Shield.
Manchester United quickly sold out their allocation of 27,700 tickets, but it seems nobody at the richest club in the world wants to sit in the £20 cheap seats.
They are the main area of the shortfall, which means there are set to be banks of empty seats for the third visit to the stadium in four months by Roberto Mancini’s Manchester City side.
Indeed, such is the low key start to the season this year that the “curtain raiser” will start while West Ham and Cardiff are already in the last throes of their Championship game in front of what is anticipated to be a much more sizeable armchair audience live on the BBC. Certainly, the FA have reasons to hope for a decent showpiece at Wembley. The three-year deal to screen the Community Shield thrashed out with Sky after the collapse of Setanta will have run its course by the final whistle with no signs of a replacement contract to fill the void.
Perhaps, though, it is the Manchester derby itself that is losing its sheen – celebrity City fan Noel Gallagher yesterday announced he would be starting his first High Flying Birds live tour on October 23 in Dublin – the date of the league encounter.

[spoiler][/spoiler]

OTHER BOLLOX
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has cast doubt over the future of Dimitar Berbatov by appearing to suggest the Bulgarian could leave for Paris Saint-Germain. The French club are reportedly willing to pay between £18-£20m for him. The Guardian

Leicester are ready to table a £7m bid for Reading striker Shane Long as manager Sven-Goran Eriksson bids to beat off competition from Premier League clubs for the prolific forward. Daily Mail

Barcelona are set to make a final push for Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas by tabling a £35m offer for the Spain midfielder. Daily Telegraph

Tottenham have stolen a march on their main rivals, rumoured to include Arsenal and Manchester United, in the race to sign Joey Barton on a free transfer by instigating the first talks with the Newcastle United midfielder. Metro

But Celtic are also keen to sign Barton, who has been placed on the transfer list and told he can leave St James' Park for free. Daily Mirror

Newcastle have conceded defeat in their attempts to keep left-back Jose Enrique at the club, paving the way for a £5m move to Liverpool to be completed this week.Daily Mirror

Fulham are considering whether to raise their offer for Cameron Jerome, after seeing a £2m bid for the striker turned down by Birmingham City. the Guardian

New West Ham manager Sam Allardyce has made a move for Liverpool's French striker David Ngog. the Sun

Arsenal are to send chief scout Steve Rowley to watch Scott Dann this weekend as they ponder a £10m bid for the Birmingham defender, with boss Arsene Wenger growing frustrated at Everton's asking price for Phil Jagielka. Daily Mail

Tottenham have bid for Blackburn's Christopher Samba in a £10m cash-plus-player deal. Spurs are willing to offload Jermain Defoe, Robbie Keane, David Bentley or Sebastien Bassong. The Sun

Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas is ready to persuade the club's owner Roman Abramovich to try to land AC Milan's Brazilian forward Pato in a £30m player-plus-cash deal. Daily Mirror

Inter Milan midfielder Wesley Sneijder has touched down in China for the Italian Super Cup game against AC Milan with a formal offer from Manchester United having been made. The Netherlands international will be given a week to consider whether to take a significant pay cut to move to Old Trafford. Daily Mirror

The father of Valencia winger Juan Mata, who also acts as his agent, has said that the Spanish club have rejected an offer from Arsenal for his son. the Times

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has warned centre-backs Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic that new signing Phil Jones will be challenging for their first-team places this season.talkSHIT

Arsenal may face the embarrassment of taking two team photographs on Thursday - one with and one without Cesc Fabregas. The club are believed to be weighing up the idea ahead of their official photoshoot. It would mean one picture including Fabregas, who is believed to want to move to Barcelona, and one without their current captain - leaving vice-captain Robin van Persie to wear the armband.Daily Star

[john@staustell]

3 right wingers and no left. Excellent.

[johnny crossan]

today's Times

[johnny crossan]

today's Times

[Goaters 103]

The Adebayor for Lennon story is in The Mirror, so has a 0% chance of reality attached to it.

[Nigels Tackle]

The Adebayor for Lennon story is in The Mirror, so has a 0% chance of reality attached to it.

is it darren lewis who's the chief football writer at the mirror? he's a complete buffoon - can't believe that talksport and sky pay him to come on their shows...

[sirgordonzola]

3 right wingers and no left. Excellent.

John we have one of the most gifted leg footed wingers in the league, yet he never plays on the left, i still can never understand it.

[Chinners]

Arsenal may face the embarrassment of taking two team photographs on Thursday - one with and one without Cesc Fabregas. The club are believed to be weighing up the idea ahead of their official photoshoot. It would mean one picture including Fabregas, who is believed to want to move to Barcelona, and one without their current captain - leaving vice-captain Robin van Persie to wear the armband.Daily Star

I wonder if we have considered doing this with Tevez?

[Chinners]

Samir Nasri's Man City transfer 'could go through before Community Shield'*
Samir Nasri could make an appearance for Manchester City in the Community Shield against Manchester United if a bid is accepted by Arsenal.
Roberto Mancini has been following the development of the Nasri transfer saga over the summer and is expected to table an offer in excess of £22million, according to The Sun.
If Arsenal accept the offer from City, it is thought the transfer will be rushed through before the Community Shield at Wembley on August 7th, which means the French international could line-up against Sir Alex Ferguson's side.
The United boss did look close to securing Nasri's signature earlier this summer, but City are now leading the race and Sir Alex seems to have turned his attention to Inter Milan midfielder Wesley Sneijder.
Arsene Wenger recently offered the 24-year-old a new deal at the Emirates, which was turned down, and the club is resigned to losing the midfielder on a free next summer.
The news will come as another blow to Arsenal fans who may well be losing captain Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona for somewhere in the region of £35million.
It is rumoured that Nasri will be offered a deal of £125,000-a-week, just £10,000-a-week more than he would pick up at Old Trafford or Arsenal. Metro

*then again it 'could not'

Manchester City winger Adam Johnson tells Rob Dawson he just wants to be on Roberto Mancini’s teamsheet
Adam Johnson is ready to become boss Roberto Mancini’s flexible friend as competition for places at City hots up ahead of the new season.
And the 24-year-old is hoping to cash in on his chances at the Etihad Stadium to push his claims for seat on the plane to Euro 2012 this summer.
Johnson arrived from Middlesbrough as an out-and-out left winger. Years of coaching, from Cleveland Juniors to Boro’s academy, moulded him into an typically English wideman.
Left-footers played on the left and crossing the ball from the byline onto the head of a giant centre forward was the be-all and end-all.
But under Mancini’s tutelage, Johnson has found himself, more often than not, on the right. And while he says he’s coming round to his manager’s way of thinking, he admits he’s happy to play anywhere if it means getting a game.
“Foreign wingers play on the opposite side and I think that’s how it’s going,” he said. “I’ve had conversations with the manager and there are some things we agree on and some things we disagree on.
“He just wants to win every game. He focuses on everything, down to the last little thing, and that’s probably one of the reasons we did so well last season.”
Johnson is still grateful to Mancini for bringing him to Manchester in the first place.
He says he’s been transformed since making the switch from the Riverside and believes playing with world-class players, like new-boy Sergio Aguero, is only going to help him get better and better.
“Since I signed, everything has changed for me,” he added. “It’s given me the chance to play for England and express myself in a massive team.
“I don’t think the defensive side has ever been an issue in my game but at City you don’t have to use it as much. Now I’m at City I get the chance to attack more and that’s what I like doing.
“Since I’ve come to City I think I’ve definitely improved.
“When you play with top players it brings you on. You probably learn more from just watching the players in training than you do from the coaches sometimes.”
After 18 months with the Blues, Johnson is quick to acknowledge he faces a critical season personally.
Competition for a place in City’s front four has never been more fierce while he’s hoping get the chance to test himself against the cream of Europe in the Champions League.
And after the disappointment of narrowly missing the cut for a place in England’s World Cup squad, Johnson is also eyeing a summer trip to Poland and Ukraine.
“I want to be playing games because there’s a championship at the end of the season,” he said.
“That’s definitely at the back of my mind. I definitely want to go there after missing out on the World Cup and I think England have got a great chance.”
Johnson added: “The Champions League is a massive thing. I haven’t played in it and it’s another thing I’d like to do in my career.”
Meanwhile, Kevin Keegan is looking forward to the most exciting Barclays Premier League campaign yet – and is backing former clubs Liverpool and City to battle it out at the top of the table.
City’s owners have again bankrolled a summer spending spree, with £35m Argentina forward Sergio Aguero the latest addition.
Liverpool added England winger Stewart Downing, in a £20m deal from Aston Villa, and Charlie Adam – so impressive for Blackpool last term – as Kenny Dalglish continues his rebuilding programme.
Keegan, who spent six years with the Reds in the 1970s and managed City from 2001 to 2005, believes his old clubs will have a big say.
The new Premier League season looks set to be the most exciting yet,” Keegan, who will be ESPN’s analyst for their live football next season, said. “United won the championship in a season where they did not play fantastic football, but have now made a couple of interesting signings
“But you don’t know how they will miss Paul Scholes. Can Ryan Giggs give them the same as last year? Will people have sussed out Javier Hernandez?
“There will be more from the ‘noisy neighbours’ too. Manchester City’s financing is not going to stop – but how will Roberto Mancini handle all of those egos?
“Who is going to lead the dressing room because you need that to win the league.
“When you are signing players who are internationals, and then you tell them they will be on the bench, for a lot of players, it is not what they want to do.
“Trying to keep them sweet and convince them they still have a future is very difficult and is the biggest challenge.” MuEN

Mike Summerbee: Shield clash should be right here
Mike Summerbee cannot wait for City’s first Community Shield appearance in 38 years – but feels it should be taking place in Manchester.
Summerbee will be watching from the Wembley seats on Sunday as the Blues take on United a week before the Premier League season kicks off.
Wembley has been the first-choice venue for the clash since 1974, with Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium hosting the game from 2001 to 2006.
But Summerbee, who played in each of City’s last four Shield appearances – the last of which was a Maine Road defeat against Burnley in 1973 – feels it would have been more appropriate, as a one-off, to shift Sunday’s match to the Etihad Stadium or Old Trafford.
“With the two Manchester teams together, I don’t see why they couldn’t have tossed a coin to play it at City or United,” said Summerbee, now a club ambassador for the Blues.
“I played in the Shield in the days before it was held at Wembley, and it was always played at the home ground of one of the sides taking part. As a one-off, it would have made sense to do that this time.
“You’ve got to look at the expense for the fans of getting down to London – it’s not cheap.
“If you were to ask Sir Alex Ferguson, I think he’d be of the same opinion, because he made a similar point before the FA Cup semi-final derby.”
Next year’s Community Shield could well be played in Manchester, with Wembley unavailable as it will be hosting the Olympic football final on the same weekend.
The Millennium Stadium, which is due to host the Games’ third-place play-off less than 48 hours before the Shield, is also unlikely to be considered.
But the FA are keen to ensure the 2012 shield is played at a neutral venue.
Summerbee, though, does not think the match needs to be played at a neutral ground.
He added: “I don’t think it would have been a great disadvantage for either side playing away from home. Players thrive on performing at the big grounds.”
Sunday’s match will be City’s eighth appearance in the Community Shield, but the first of those to be at Wembley.
It will mark a repeat of the 1956 Shield, when league champions United faced Cup winners City at Maine Road. On that occasion, Dennis Viollet scored as the Reds won 1-0.
The Blues had appeared twice in the Shield before then, losing 4-0 to Arsenal at Highbury in 1934 before, as champions three years later, defeating Sunderland 2-0 at Maine Road with goals from Alec Herd and Peter Doherty.
City were league champions again when Summerbee made the first of his four Shield appearances for City, as they thrashed West Brom 6-1 in 1968 thanks to doubles by Bobby Owen and Francis Lee, allied to a Neil Young strike and Graham Lovett own goal.
“West Brom played well that day, but we hit them early on with three quick goals,” Summerbee said. “It was one of those days where everything worked perfectly for us.
“That game was also typical of our attacking philosophy at the time under Joe Mercer and Malcolm Allison. Our attitude was that, however many the opposition scored, we would always score more.”
City and Summerbee were back in the shield a year later as FA Cup winners, losing 2-1 to champions Leeds at Elland Road, with Colin Bell scoring.
“People criticise the Leeds team of that era, but I always thought they were misinterpreted,” Summerbee said. “They were tough, but they weren’t dirty. Don Revie, a former City player, was their manager and he had them very well organised.”
City’s last two appearances came at a curious time for the Shield, when the champions and FA Cup winners didn’t always take part, shortly before FA secretary Ted Croker came up with the move to Wembley.
In 1972, City – after finishing fourth in the First Division – were invited to take on Third Division champions Aston Villa. Francis Lee’s penalty secured a 1-0 win at Villa Park.
The following year, the Blues got the nod seemingly on the basis that they were the Shield holders. Second Division champions Burnley were their Maine Road opponents in the 1-0 defeat.
“I’ve got no idea why we ended up playing Burnley that year,” Summerbee said. “It’s a question that comes up a lot whenever a few of us are sitting round the table talking football. It’s a curious one.
“The Charity Shield was always a prestigious event, but I think it’s grown since the move to Wembley.
“And for City, the game on Sunday provides a great chance to get a trophy. I know that Roberto Mancini and the players will have exactly the same attitude.” MuEN

TalkSHIT say that Ade 'could be' Madrid bound afterall, obviously they have nothing to back this up other than a brainstorming of app bollox in their car this morning .... NOTW has finally been replaced

Real Madrid set to scupper Tottenham's Adebayor move
Real Madrid remain keen on Emmanuel Adebayor - putting any possible move to Tottenham in doubt.
According to reports in Spain, Madrid boss Jose Mourinho hopes to sign a new striker before the start of the season and is still trying to conclude a deal for Santos ace Neymar.
But Neymar, who is being tracked by a long list of clubs, is not certain to leave Brazil this summer and Mourinho sees Adebayor as a viable contingency plan.
It has been reported that Tottenham are in discussion with Manchester City about a possible swap deal involving Adebayor for England winger Aaron Lennon, but that could be thwarted by Madrid's interest in the former Arsenal man.
It is understood that the Togo forward, who spent time on loan at The Bernabeu last season, is very interested in a permanent move to Madrid where he would once again play Champions League football.
And Adebayor remains close to the players at Madrid, who he watched in action against Leicester at the weekend.

[Dingus McDouchey]

"City’s owners have again bankrolled a summer spending spree, with £35m Argentina forward Sergio Aguero the latest addition.
Liverpool added England winger Stewart Downing, in a £20m deal from Aston Villa, and Charlie Adam – so impressive for Blackpool last term – as Kenny Dalglish continues his rebuilding programme."

FFS

[s1ty m]

"City’s owners have again bankrolled a summer spending spree, with £35m Argentina forward Sergio Aguero the latest addition.
Liverpool added England winger Stewart Downing, in a £20m deal from Aston Villa, and Charlie Adam – so impressive for Blackpool last term – as Kenny Dalglish continues his rebuilding programme."

FFS

Yep, FFS. Makes me puke, mate. Let 'em carry on, we are a force.

[Kladze]

"City’s owners have again bankrolled a summer spending spree, with £35m Argentina forward Sergio Aguero the latest addition.
Liverpool added England winger Stewart Downing, in a £20m deal from Aston Villa, and Charlie Adam – so impressive for Blackpool last term – as Kenny Dalglish continues his rebuilding programme."

FFS

"There will be more from the 'noisy neighbours' too. Manchester City's financing is not going to stop - but how will Roberto Mancini handle all of those egos?

Never heard that one before either Kev ................................

[Patrick]

The wags a right munter, her eyes would bulge much more than sexy if I popped her my bratwurst

[King Kev]

Loving today's WAG. Good work mate!

[craigmcfc]

I may regret saying this but I'm with Patrick on this particular matter

[DoomMerchant]

I may regret saying this but I'm with Patrick on this particular matter

no regrets.

what i dont like is that i never know who the WAGS are without you or slim's commentary. someone should start naming names. my spank bank is suffering when an actual hotty gets included.

cheers