Jokes

[Blue Since 76]

Can we post all the jokes in one place? Then I can copy and paste and text them to any rag I know.

Starter for 10 - what's red and goes beep, beep, beep? The rag's open top bus reversing into the garage.

[Rag_hater]

Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick


Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Etihad

[sweenyuk]

United have renamed their Trophy Room, it's now called the room

Utd fan got home from Sunderland, really pissed off so didn't want to watch any sports channel, turned on Sky Movies just as it started showing Gone in 60 Seconds...

[LeanneIsABlue..x]

How do you put a cork back into a bottle of champagne?

Ask a United fan.

[PeterParker]

Fergie got home & said to his wife "Get a DVD in tonight love, I need cheering up". His wife said, "Sure, how about gone in 60 seconds?"

[Exiled]

What is Red, White and Black and goes beep beep beep?

Man Utd's parade bus reversing back into the garage

[Im_Spartacus]

What is Red, White and Black and goes beep beep beep?

Man Utd's parade bus reversing back into the garage

You see i struggle with this shit on forums, a thread has 4 posts in it, and you couldnt be arsed reading any of them you lazy twat haha

[Nigels Tackle]

what's red and goes beep, beep, beep?


The rag's open top bus reversing into the garage.

[Exiled]

What is Red, White and Black and goes beep beep beep?

Man Utd's parade bus reversing back into the garage

You see i struggle with this shit on forums, a thread has 4 posts in it, and you couldnt be arsed reading any of them you lazy twat haha

LOL. My sincere apologies. Switching back and forth from my work on the PC to this site (and many others) today, I forgot where my head was. It got the most laughs at work - just 1 Man Utd fan amongst 50+. So good it had to be told twice ;-)

[Dingus McDouchey]

[s1ty m]

Lovely.

[DoomMerchant]

what's red and has wheels and an engine, and a brake pedal and windows, etc and speaks like R2D2 going "beep beep beep"?

the rags parade bus, shoved into reverse, and heading back into the garage!!!!

FMTWF

[ronk]

We'll score when we want, we'll score when we want.
We are City, we'll score when we want.

[Pedro1953]

What do Bungee Jumping and having a blow job from Sir Taggart have in common?

Both thrilling but you can't look down.

[Alioune DVToure]

What do Bungee Jumping and having a blow job from Sir Taggart have in common?

Both thrilling but you can't look down.

Bit of a weird one.

I'm now intrigued to know what your first post was.

UPDATE: Yep, that was a bit weird too.

[Superbia in proelia]

Aguero - 38million,
Nasri - 23million,
Tevez - 30million
The look on Ferguson's face when city score 2 in the last two minutes.. PRICELESS

[Superbia in proelia]

Manchester United fans will thankfully avoid more pain, as City will parade the trophy 200 miles north in Manchester.

[Mikhail Chigorin]

The Brother-in-Law (a Leeds fan) posted this on the wife's Facebook just after we'd beaten the Scum 1-0 in the derby game :-


The United Dressing Room just before kick-off.... "Right lads, get into their ribs and kick them up in the air. Pull their shirts, tackle from behind, go over the top to win the ball; do anything you have to, to break up play and stop them scoring....."

Ferguson "Thanks for that ref, I'll take over the team talk now......."

[Beeks]

Ashley Young has apparently written a book about his first season at United..

It's still awaiting a title..

[TheGOAT]

Man United's Parade Bus