Sunday 9th Decemeber 2012
Live on Sky Sports 2 KO 1:30pm
Referee: Mark ‘I’ve got a problem with Mario’ Atkinson
How can you tell this twat is a red? That’s right…the fucking moustache[/center]
This is a surprisingly difficult preview to write. I was going to right about how our derby is different from every other as most derbies are about the victory that go’s hand in hand with some form of mythical high ground but the words aren’t there. I was going to write about the lengths I’ve gone to minimise United’s impact on my life but if I find that boring then it’s a certain to you reading this will
Instead as football rivalries, and even more so football journalism is about generalisations, I’m going to tell you about general observations I’ve made about City and United supporters and applied that theory to work. I will start out by pointing out that there are City supporters who are a embarrassing to be around and United fans who are decent lads and are mates. But as I’m generalising for the purposes of this preview these people don’t exist
It always seems that there are two kinds of football supporter:
The Football Supporter: People who like to have a chat about football in general games/grounds they’ve been to; awful footballers, football manager taking over their life; who/where are they watching at the weekend. Supporters who different teams can have a conversation about any team without it descending into slagging each other off.
The United Fan: People who come up to you when your team has dropped points and give you grief for it but have never contributed anything positive to the game themselves. They also use the term ‘Footy’. They call it banter, get up set when they get as good as they receive and read Nuts magazine.
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I'll admit this legit had me in stitches for days[/center]
Working in Manchester my line of work employs people from all over the country and sometimes the world. It’s mainly students, people who’ve just finished university or people in their first full time jobs. The make up of the work place and my position in it, and due to my belief that there are two kinds of supporter, means that I have to make the conscious decision not to talk about football to anyone that doesn’t first engage me in conversation first (UN directive: Do not engage the enemy until they’ve fired first).
Spotting a United fan isn’t a difficult task; I’m convinced it’s genetic, so I’ve adopted a guilty until proven innocent policy. There are several things I like to look out for:
1. The moustache – Walk around Manchester when United are at home in at any time of the year and you’d swear its Movember. The ‘Gary Neville’ being the favourite amongst younger support and ‘the Stalin’ amongst the older support.
2. If you’re having a conversation in general about football and someone comes up to you and says ‘I think City…’ even if the conversation wasn’t about City then they’re a red. They’re fucking obsessed with us.
3. If City are playing on TV and the opposition score. Look around to see those cheering, they’re not the ‘insert name of your town’ ‘insert name of opposition’ branch of the supporters club. It’s them.
4. If they refer to football as ‘footy’.
5. If they’re a particular horrible and obnoxious individual then…well you get the point.
6. If they claim that they go home and away every week all over Europe but there always in the pub 10 minutes before kick off and United are at Cluj.
I’m quite lucky in my workplace, being in the centre of Manchester, there are a lot of blues. Everyone ranges from a healthy interest but can’t afford to go to the south stand home and away hardcore. The kind of people you can have a pint with and have good discussion about football as a whole. There’s a unspoken rule amongst us that we don’t give United supporters any grief (as they’re not real support anyway) unless they’ve given it out first. Once they do the gloves are off and it’s party time.
Recent example:
Red to another blue: “Yeah I heard they got rid of dress down Friday’s cos there was too many shitty City shirts around the place!”
Me to Red who didn’t know I was there: “Yeah cos that’s why they didn’t remove dress down day in London, Malaysia or Singapore!!!”
Queue huge laughter from blues who’ve had years of grief from ‘Red’ supporting mates as they role out their MUEN propaganda (sorry Stuart Brennan) that we’re all from Stockport (I actually don’t know any City fans from Stockport), all wear shell suits, play in front of empty seats every week (I was told there was only 30,000 against Real Madrid) and that we were all supporting Chelsea last season (only against those horrible vermin).
My favourite:
Former Colleague: “You’re all from Stockport anyway! Fuck off back to Stockport”
Blue 1: “I’m not”
Blue 2; “Me Neither”
Big Boss Blue 3: “Not Me. Where are you from Red?”
Former Colleague: Tamworth
Coincidentally that is now where this lad works
What about the football?
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Pornhub wouldn’t upload this as they don’t accept rape[/center]
Oh the football. Sorry I’ve had so much of Taggart’s ‘quotes’ about City forced down my throat this week I forgot there was a game of football to be played.
Since the last preview we went to Stamford Bridge and earned ourselves a very good point. We were the better side for long spells in the game and they never really troubled us. Unfortunately we couldn’t create enough chances at their end but I’m convinced if a free kick had been given for that NFL tackle on Mario in the last minute of the game, Kolarov would have bagged us three points. Instead it was another borderline criminal decision went against us but we collected a point from a ground where we were beaten last year. My belief at the start of the year was that it would take more than 89 points to win the league this season and we had to pick up points at grounds where we dropped points last season.
So far we’ve turned a point into 3 at the Hawthorns (we remain the only team other than West Brom to have won there) and Craven Cottage and have 3 more points this season than the equivalent away fixtures last season.
Then there was the short trip to the DW Stadium on the Wednesday where a spirited Wigan side gave us as game for 60 minutes until in typical City fashion we waited for the opposition to tire and make a mistake. I didn’t make the trip as I working until 8 but got into the Crown and Kettle to watch it with a healthy number of blues. Naturally we got no credit for the win and by reading the press the next day you’d have thought we scraped through against a Wigan side that was still in non-league. Wigan were a decent enough side you can hold some hope they might take some points off United when they travel there.
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[/center]The less said about the Everton game the better as I can’t remember a game where, aided by another shite ref (he had no influence on the result but just blew for everything to stop the game gaining any momentum), two sides did as little to offer supporters value for their money since City faield to score at home for 10 months. The discussion about Moyes taking over from Taggart seemed particularly apt as he side kicked, harried and bored their way to a point. This was probably the worst performance by a City team since we travelled to Arsenal in April.
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[/center]As for Dortmund it was what it was. We played well for an hour then Mancini changed it (the wrong substitution IMO as I thought Sinclair did OK with zero support), they scored immediately and we never got another look in. Thinking about it now it seemed like a case of as long as its 0-0 we’ve gotta chance but if they score conserve the energy for Sunday. The next day Dortmund resting 3 players became Dortmund reserves in the papers as they lauded up our new status of worst performance in a group stage by an English team.
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[/center]Personally I wanted to go into the Europa League as there’s nothing else to do on a Thursday dinner time in March and April and we were not so big as to turn our noses up at a trophy but if it helps the league form then I’m glad were out. Watford at home just became a massive game though.
[center]The 163rd Manchester-Trafford Derby
[/center]City’s Injuries
Doubtful Clichy (ankle), Silva (hamstring) Injured Rodwell (hamstring, 15 Dec), Milner (hamstring, 15 Dec), Richards (knee, 28 Dec), Guidetti (leg, unknown), Kolarov (ankle, unknown)
The Rag’s Injuries:
Doubtful Cleverley (calf) Injured Vidic (knee, 15 Dec), Valencia (hip, 22 Dec), Kagawa (knee, 15 Dec), Nani (hamstring, Jan), Anderson (hamstring, Jan)
Injuries have really limited our options in the selection department. It’s imperative that we do not operate with 3 at the back under any circumstances though. United are the masters of the angled ball in along the 6 yard box and lining up players to tap the ball home. We need to play with full backs and if I was the manager I’d have had them practising blocking crosses all week. If we block every single cross we’ll win the game.
If Clichy is fit I’d start him with Zabaleta on the left. Wednesday proved that Nastasic is not a left back and every Maicon appearance so far has proved that he does not have the defensive discipline for the Premier League. If Clichy isn’t fit I’d start Joleon at left back, move Nastasic into the middle with Kompany and start Zabba on the right.
For the first time since Micah was a lad there seems to be competition for places at Centre back. I would probably start Joleon for his experience but I’ve not doubt Nastasic could do the job against the Mexican or Van Persie. Thankfully Vincent is playing his way back to his best.
The midfield almost picks itself with Gareth Barry and Yaya Toure in the middle. Yaya has been off key ever since the game in Amsterdam when someone racked the top of his foot with their boot causing a huge cut to open. Fingers crossed that not travelling to Dortmund has done him a favour. He is the one player United are truly terrified of.
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The other man they should be scared of is David Silva. If he’s fit I’d play an out and out 442 with him and Nasri on the wings. Nasri is overdue for a good performance. If Silva isn’t fit, and you would not believe the jumping for joy when the filth thought he was out for the game (thank you John Gudietti), then I’d go 3 men in the middle (Nasri, Yaya & Gareth) and play 3 up front.
Up front I’d start Dzeko. Just Kidding. Movement and pace really unsettles the United backline and although they don’t play that well together I’d start Tevez and Aguero. What we must do is if Aguero and Tevez move into the channels (which Tevez frequently does) its up to the mdfield to drive into the space that they will create. If Silva is injured I’d go for a 3 man attack and put Mario on the wing against Rafael (the best young right back in the league ™ The Premier League).
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This guy should be doing the match day show at City
The Tourists[/center]
Welcome to the putting the mockers on it section.
In goal its Lindegaard or De Gea. In a league where being a good shot stopper is a given for a goalkeeper neither of these two are particularly good. They’re non existent in the air, I’ve never seen either demonstrate any bravery and I’d rather have Costel Pantillimon.
At right back its Rafael who has laughably been lauded as the best young right back in the country (I bet Micah threw up reading that) because he can carry the ball over the half way line but can’t track back to retrieve it. He was taken off after half an hour against Reading, yes Reading, because Jobi McAnuff abused him. At left back Patrice Evra counts the days to the PSG retirement village.
At centre back Wio Ferdinand and Johnny Evans are expected to be paired together exposing just how poor the Premier League is that this centre half partnership currently sit top of the league.
In midfield the ‘new David Beckham’ Tom Cleverley is injured so expect Taggart to pick from Fletcher, Carrick and ‘the tackling machine’ Scholes.
With Nani injured Ashley Young will perform his Tom Daley act solely. ‘The New Will Smith’ Danny Wellbeck will be on the other wing as Valencia is also injured. Actually pleased about Valencia being injured as his crossing ability is the best in the Premier League and we have a serious deficiency with crosses.
Up front Adebayor’s best mate will most likely start with referee Wayne Rooney
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More of this please City
Prediction[/center]
I honest to god hate predictions. All I want is a clean sheet and City to score and I’ll be happy. If we play to our best we’ll murder this lot, they’ve not much in midfield, they’ve injuries to key players that provide them with width which we struggle to defend against. At the back they’re all over the show as Jason Roberts showed when he schooled them for half an hour last week. The set piece where he lured Lindegaard into marking him was a masterstroke.
My concern is that we’ve not looked like scoring a lot of goals recently, not just because Dzeko’s starting, and the injuries have really hampered our patched up looking team. But if you go through every starting member of tomorrow’s line ups (even if you do it objectively) I wouldn’t swap a single one of theirs for ours.
So 4 nil City.
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